Monday 31 October 2011

Trick or Treat

Confession time:  I love Halloween.  It's only to be expected as I am an old witch.

Until this year my children have always had a Halloween party and I would decorate the house and make gruesome food:  Witches fingers (chicken) with flaky skin (covered in crisps) dripping in blood (tomato ketchup), gravestone sandwiches, orange jelly in pumpkin carved oranges, bat wing biscuits, spider-web cupcakes and green slime (limeade) to drink with floating eyeballs (lychees).  I would organise games and tell spooky stories and generally have great fun scaring their friends.  My neighbours only stopped believing that I had been to Witch School a few years ago, after a story I told them when they were 3!  For me, it's a festival of light that I can cope with.  I'm not a big fan of fireworks and I think we all need  something when the days start to get short.  I grew my own pumpkin this year.


With all the weekend university visits, Royal Albert Hall and National Anthems to contend with I didn't feel up to organising a party this year.  I didn't even realise that it was today and I had no sweets in the house or any time to go shopping but I did have ingredients to make cake.


The topping is made with ready roll icing and when I opened the cupboard to find the apricot jam to stick it on I came up with a wicked idea.


Apricot jam or courgette relish? That would be a real trick or treat!

Sunday 30 October 2011

When an extra hour isn't enough

I've been confused all day.  That familiar, 'my head is about to explode', feeling that was constantly with me through my A level Physics lessons was back today.  Time has always been a confusing concept for me.  It doesn't always seem to go at the same speed. I remember some facts from my Physics lessons even though I only managed to get an E by having lots of extra lessons with the young attractive teacher.  Time is relative.  Good old Einstein, mad as a box of frogs but I suppose he just managed to prove my confusion about time with a complicated equation or two.  I also remember something about the speed of light being constant except in a vacuum and the fact that time doesn't exist in most of the universe because there is more non-matter than matter. You see, confusing stuff!

Today the clocks went back but I'm unsure how that gives me an extra hour.  There was a facebook campaign to get people to use their extra hour to do some charitable work and many people were tweeting about having an extra hour in bed.  What happens at bedtime though? Don't you lose the extra hour then?
In Moscow, they haven't put their clocks back because they've decided not to bother any more and in America they will do it in a few weeks so that it's not too dark for Halloween.  In some Northern Hemisphere countries they don't bother because in the winter it just doesn't get light and at the Arctic (or is it Antarctic?) time just implodes on itself because it's where all the time zones merge.  Our government is thinking about changing it too.  I thought they were going to keep one time like they have done in Moscow but typically when it comes to time it's far more complicated than that.  We are going to keep British Summertime but it  will be GMT +2hours and when the clocks go back at this time of year time will be GMT +1hour.  Now, am I the only person who thinks it's odd that time in Greenwich will never be at Greenwich Mean Time?

I have such a long 'to do' list that I could really do with an extra hour, although one might not be enough.  The only solution was to multi-task, which meant walking the dog while learning songs.  The sea wall is the only possible place for this.  It's isolated enough to not have to worry about people hearing the loud out-of-tune singing that happens when you have the i-pod plugged in.

Turning the clocks forward and back is supposed to make cows grumpy.  They apparently don't like to have their milking time changed.  


I suppose she doesn't look that happy!

Saturday 29 October 2011

The Grand Tour

As a right of passage, rich bored young men used to travel Europe to view architecture they probably wouldn't have appreciated until they were much older.  In my teenage years, the more adventurous of my friends went inter-railing and usually ended up in Greece, fighting about cheese rolls.  I never quite got round to doing any adventurous travelling - a week in Tenerife was about the limit of it.  Since June, though, we have been on a Grand Tour of University Open Days and today was the last.  I wonder if those rich young men were quite as glad that it was all over as I am?  It has been interesting and we've seen some fantastic places in England that we would probably have never thought of going to otherwise.

Last was Lincoln.  Lincoln is a lovely town with a steep hill called 'Steep Hill'.  It has a beautiful cathedral, cobbled streets and a bizarre grandstand that overlooks some common land.  It also has a University with lecturers with a sense of humour.

It's great to be home though and I'm looking forward to having time to do some pointless craft-like activities and I think I'll start with some cross-stitch.

Friday 28 October 2011

There's no such word as 'Can't'

I was told some really stupid things by adults when I was a child but, "there's no such word as can't," has to be the most stupid.

Here are some things I can't do:

1.  I can't be in two places at the same time.
2.  I can't swim a length underwater
3.  I can't play the guitar (despite trying as the ends of my fingers are too flat)
4.  I can't take meetings seriously
5. I can't stop reading a book once it had got interesting (The Island made me get up late today)
6.  I can't make my fingernails grow long and straight and beautiful
7.  I can't make the dog come back if he's chasing a cat.
8.  I can't make my pupils practice
9   I can't carry my children any more (they are too big)
10.  I can't learn all the words to the songs in time for the Barnardos concert next week - especially the rapping bit!!!!!!

I'm sure there are loads more but I can't write them down now because I'm going to Lincoln for the last (yipee) university visit.

Thursday 27 October 2011

Stars

'Lets not reach for the moon, when we have the stars'

Don't you just love old films on a cold miserable rainy day.  I can't remember what film it's from but I can see Bette Davies saying it with her huge eyes.  I watched 2 films today, although they were both modern.  The first was Dear John, which is known for making people cry and I hated it.  I didn't find the characters very convincing and once I noticed how far apart Amanda Seyfried's eyes were I struggled to even think of her as human.  Stupidly, I watched Letters from Juliet next, which made me want to go back to Italy but the leading actress was Amanda Seyfried and I kept wondering if she is able to see around corners without moving her head.  These girls in films are so stupid.  Why on earth do they reject a perfectly nice, hard-working Italian man who is passionate and can cook for a foppish, repressed Brit., with a nice grandmother?

I made some star biscuits today.  It was the first recipe I've tried from my new Great British Bake Off book.  Lemon Iced Biscuits.  They have full fat soft cheese in and I'm sure are really fattening - especially if you eat 18 of them as I have today.  It was a nice easy recipe that you can make into any shape.


My Star Royal Albert Hall soloists came round for a rehearsal today and so I wanted some star shaped biscuits to give them after their hard work.

With the left over biscuit dough I made a special shape to remind myself not to eat too many.



It didn't work!

Wednesday 26 October 2011

Don't mention the C word!

One of the funniest things I've ever witnessed was a teacher's face when one of her pupils said, "Miss, is it OK to use the C word in my story?"  The child obviously meant Christmas and as most teachers know it is best to ban children mentioning Christmas until at least the beginning of December.

It's a busy time of year for a music teacher and although there is pressure to think about it early I always try to leave it as late as possible.  I'm the same with my Christmas shopping.  The week before is definitely early enough.

There are some things that make me excited that the festive season will soon be with us.  The first is when the evenings get cold and dark and you start to hear the odd random firework.  Then the story lines in the Archers turn to mincemeat and making Christmas Cake and finally, as happened today, my son's friend appears on the doorstep with the Argos book.

Tuesday 25 October 2011

Who do you think you are?

Today we visited another University.  It was hazily familiar.  I think I may have been there in my own student days to see a band or something.  I now find I'm a bit bored of Universities.  I wasn't interested in the fact that the Korean Olympic team will be using their sports facilities or the tour of the smelly teenager's, smoke-filled bedroom, with it's unmade bed and toilet paper on the en-suite floor.  I did feel a bit sorry for the poor first year student, who had been given the job of showing us around, even though she seemed a bit lost in the library herself but that was mainly because she had crumbs from her lunchtime sandwich in her moustache!  I was quite interested in the fish stall and the vegetable market.


On the way home we stopped off at the National Records office.  It was very frustrating and quite exciting all at the same time.  If only we could have worked out whether we were related to the Joseph of Bethnal Green that was born in 1888 or 1889 we might have got somewhere.  So we still don't know who we are - and they make it look so easy on the TV.

Monday 24 October 2011

The Elephant in the Room



I've always wanted an Elephant but this one that's sitting in our living room is becoming a problem.  We all know it's there but none of us want to talk about it.  In fact, the subject is banned.  No one dare mention him otherwise there might be tears. But I think if you can't talk about an imaginary elephant in cyberspace then where else is there?

I've never been one of those mums that cries when their child goes to school.  I remember regarding others with disgust as they blubbed and sniffed outside the door of the Nursery school when they dropped their children off for just 2 short hours.  I've always known that they would be back, irritating me, with questions like; "But why do I have to go to bed?", "What's for dinner?", "Have you seen my school tie?" and most recently, "Why can't you walk the dog?"

I thought 'Empty Nest Syndrome' was only for women who didn't have anything else in their lives.  I'm far too busy for any of that!

But, and I am ashamed to admit it, all these University visits have made me feel really sad.  I'm ashamed because going to University is such a great opportunity and I should only be proud and excited.  I suddenly realised that she might just go away and never come back.  Journalists travel the world and she could finish her degree and disappear off to Africa to write sad stories about starving children.

The younger brother is feeling a bit left out at the moment  but he's not saying anything for fear of the elephant.  If he mentions the fact that he isn't getting any of our attention someone might say that he'll have us all to himself next October!

For a teenager, she is quite pleasant to live with.  She usually takes my side in an argument, she knows how to work the computer and program the Skybox.  She can tell me what music is in the charts and she understands the strange musical language I speak.

Maybe I shouldn't worry though.  My Sister and I grew up to the constant refrain, "Out when you're 18, my girl." and despite both going to University we must have thought it was a joke because I live just down the road and my sister lives at home!

Sunday 23 October 2011

First Impressions

First impressions are meant to be the most important.  Interviewers say that they have usually decided whether to employ a candidate before they've even sat down.  That probably explains why the beautiful do so well in life, while those of us with asymmetrical faces have to work so much harder.

Our first impressions of Sunderland were not good.  We arrived at about 9 o'clock at night and booked into our room at the Travel Lodge.  When you go to the door of your room and find large chunks gouged out of the door it doesn't give you the best first impression. We decided to have a wander around the City to get a feel for it and to find something to eat.  People in Sunderland are much hardier than I am.  I was wearing 3 jumpers and a coat they were wearing summer skirts that were so short you would have been able to see their knickers if they were wearing any and short sleeved shirts.  Most people already seemed to be very drunk. They weren't all young either, a group of women my age (or maybe a bit older) were staggering down the road in front of us when one of them decided to stop and take off her pants.   An old lady at the bus stop spat at me.  It was quite a shock as I don't think I've ever been spat at before by anything other than a Camel.  She went to quite some effort too, hawking up as much mucous as she could first.

Although there were hundreds of bars and clubs we were struggling to find somewhere to eat.  We asked a Policeman (there were lots of those too).  He pointed us towards an Italian Restaurant down a side street.  We thought it was closed but it was just empty.  The food was OK though.

Our nights sleep was interesting too.  There was a lot of drunken running up and down the corridors from about midnight until 4am and I'm not sure what the lad in the room opposite us had done but his friends were constantly knocking on his door,  "Tom! Tom!  Someone will find out!  Tom!"

The open day was good though.  It was a good course with excellent facilities, accommodation for all first years (good value too) and achievable entry requirements.  Maybe this University is the ugly candidate that will surprise everyone!

 We took a drive to Newcastle as one of the students had said that they sometimes go in on the metro and discovered that the Turner Prize was being exhibited at the Baltic Mill Gallery.


 We saw it at Liverpool when the man who had dressed as a bear won.  This year the four candidates are Martin Boyce, Hilary Lloyd, George Shaw and Karla Black.
The judges get to examine all the work and look at motivation but all we get as the public is a first impression.  Martin Boyce had a squashed bin with leaves all over the floor that we weren't allowed to tidy up and a workbench and some steel structure above it.  It is probably the critics choice because he references the Martel Trees.

Hilary Lloyd had some very boring slides and films of a brick, a moon and a building.  It was really interesting to watch people walk around.  None of them got it but they were almost too polite to say so.  It will probably win.

George Shaw was more appreciated.  Paintings that people could recognise.  It shouldn't stand a chance because people liked it but on closer inspection they were really dark, troubling pieces.  This one was called Landscape with Dog Shit Bin - language my daughter thought was most unnecessary.


Karla Black was my favourite though.  It's probably the primary school teacher in me as Mr Long Suffering thought it was just 'screwed up bits of paper and chalk'  If there had been an exhibit of pipes and tubes he would have been very happy.



I wonder if my first impressions of the Turner Prize 2011 will match with the judges longer term view.

Thursday 20 October 2011

Audience.

Alfred Hitchcock said, "Always make your audiences suffer as much as possible."

I can happily confess to having made several audiences suffer.  Never intentionally though.  An audience is a funny thing, or should I say that there are always audience members who make me smile.  During most classical concert's I've played in there is always someone asleep.  They will always say that they were just closing their eyes to better appreciate the music but snoring is a dead give-away. Audiences who can't clap along in time drive my daughter mad.  Last Saturday, I went to see a local Am-Dram production of Blackadder which was very good but there was a man in the audience with the loudest, most peculiar laugh I've ever heard.  And I heard it alot.  We all did!

I have an audience for most of my music lessons.  I teach in the school hall, which is a typical 70's building with small windows all around the top of the room.  Every time I have a class singing a large black crow comes and sits at the window to listen - I think he's a fan.  The children tell me he often arrives for assemblies too.  Today was a performance of a brilliant class assembly (written by their incredibly talented teacher in rhyming couplets no less) and so the curtains were closed to help the atmosphere and improve visibility of the screen that was showing  backdrops.  The children started with a song, so the crow arrived but he couldn't see, so he spent the rest of the assembly squawking loudly.

Clapping is always an issue for audiences.  Do you clap every time you hear something you like?  Should you wait until the end?  What about clapping between movements of a sonata or a concerto?  The rules change for everything you see too.  I went to see a Gospel Choir recently and was stunned to find that you could clap and cheer half-way through and song.  In fact it was encouraged.  In Church it's considered quite bad form to clap at all, even if the choir has been particularly brilliant.  Playing any kind of background music barely gets noticed by the audience, who are encouraged to chat all the way through it and never listen.  Today's performance caused a slight clapping issue.  The children were reciting a Nick Tozer Dragon poem and the audience loved it so much they clapped at the end of the first verse.  Then they realised there was another verse and had to clap that one too.  They were great sports and managed to clap every single verse, even though you could almost hear some thinking, 'how many more?'

I made some cupcakes to take to school tomorrow.  I thought carefully about my audience.

Hope you like them Little Miss Pink.  Congratulations x

Wednesday 19 October 2011

It must be my age

Wednesday night band is in a senior school music room.  On the wall is a poster that says:
Where are you?
It's probably my age but this sign makes me laugh.  I'm sure the kids at the school understand it (I think it's about checking their progress)  It just makes me think that senility is setting in.  It was even more poignant tonight when my friend and I kept getting lost and collapsing into giggles.  At that point one of us would point at the sign and giggle a bit more.  Giggling is a dangerous occupation at my age.  There are things you have to think about carefully post-40 after children.  Things like going on a trampoline, sneezing, running for a bus and even laughing!

Lesson Observation.  Two words that strike fear into the heart of any teacher.  It shouldn't have bothered me.   As someone who doesn't strive for perfection I was only hoping to be told I was good enough. Satisfactory is one of those words that sounds like an insult but the dictionary defines it as fulfilling all the demands or requirements.  I'd be happy with that.  Luckily, none of the children were spinning on their heads and the lesson went quite well but I found myself blushing like a schoolgirl.  I could feel my cheeks burning and I was getting hotter and hotter.  The embarrassment of being watched - or maybe my age.

I'm watching 'It's Complicated' with Mr Long-Sufferring.  It's quite a nice film but when Meryl Streep was at the plastic surgeon asking for  help because one of her upper eyelids was droopy he shot me a 'look'.  He say's I'm paranoid but it's probably just my age.

Tuesday 18 October 2011

Sloe Sloe Quick Quick Sloe

I've been excited all day.

As it was still a bit frosty when I walked the dog this morning I thought it was the perfect time to pick the Sloes for my Christmas Sloe Gin.  For a non-drinker my excitement probably seems rather strange.
But I think it's about free stuff.  Those berries are there just waiting to be picked and turned into wonderful Christmas presents.

I must have looked like a bit of a nut, though.  There I was, rummaging through the bushes, with my i-pod on, singing along to the songs my choir will be singing at the Royal Albert Hall at the beginning of November, while the dog was off chasing rabbits.

With a huge 2012 event to plan for I have been trying to think of a good fun song to sing at the opening/closing ceremonies.  I've already rejected; 'The Winner Takes it All', 'Another One Bites the Dust' 'We are the Champions' and 'Born to Run' but I am considering 'We all Stand Together' and 'Celebration' (Kool and the Gang).  I made a suggestion of a name for the event that is happening in our town.  I hope they use it but I have a feeling it's too full of double-entendre.

Then I had an e-mail that left me bouncing like Tigger.  Three children from my choir have been chosen to sing a solo at the Royal Albert Hall.  Wow.  Even typing it is making my stomach do flips all over again.

My son has just suggested that they flick the ear of the critically ill patient on Holby.  Apparently, it always wakes me, his sister and the dog up!

Monday 17 October 2011

Seven Dwarves

Seven Dwarves in a bath feeling grumpy - so Grumpy got out.


The first time I heard that joke I thought it was so funny I inhaled the ice from my Bacardi and coke and nearly choked.  I need a good laugh today.

I'm going to be controversial now and say that I don't think teaching is any harder than any other job.  I can see colleagues jumping up and down and shouting at my blog now, saying things like 'it's because you're not a proper teacher' and that may be true.  What I do think makes teaching a difficult job, apart from having to deal with children all day long, is the perception other people have of it. They think it is less than a full time career, that takes enthusiasm, effort, energy and intelligence.  Even my husband didn't understand that I couldn't just leave at 3 on Friday to make an early start on our trip to Sunderland for the next University visit.  He gets grumpy if I work at home too.  I often wonder where people think teachers pluck all these brilliant ideas for lessons from.  It's the same with music.  If you are a musician people think you can just play anything;  if an orchestra have listened to the 1812 overture then they should just be able to play it but it doesn't work like that. Music is a foreign language to most people and so they would never understand the work involved in arranging 10 National Anthems for 2 part choir and beginner orchestra.  I just want to let everyone know that if I'm grumpy it's because I can't tell you that the music I bought isn't in singable keys, or that I have a bunch of parallel 5ths in my arrangement and I can't work out the melisma's in the Welsh National Anthem!

Sunday 16 October 2011

Mayday

Generally, I'm a helper.  When someone is drowning they shout "M'aider" and I'm there doing whatever the person needs to get them through.  One day, though, I will probably drown  because I just can't ask for help.  I don't know why I have to be so self sufficient.  I'd never employ a cleaner, or pay someone to do my ironing.  I hate asking my parents if they can look after my son because he doesn't want to go to the next University visit (and who can blame him!).  Sometimes it will take a whole week of worrying before I actually ask, which is stupid because they have never refused help.  This is probably why I can never be a perfectionist.  If you have to do everything yourself there is no chance of doing everything well!

I needed help at the allotment.  I suppose I could have built the compost bin myself but Mr Long-Suffering is so good at things like that.  The wood has been at the plot for two weeks.  It took me that long to ask for help because I had to do the groundwork.  A week of being really nice to him followed by lots of flattery about how good he is at making things.  He wasn't happy though.  On the way he said that he felt like Tom and Barbara Good but he would much rather be a Leadbetter.

As there was a frost in the night we were able to have our first home-grown parsnips with our Sunday lunch.  Unfortunately, that was no treat as he hates parsnips.

Is there an unusual planetary alignment?  Not only did I ask for help I also refused to give it.  I had a phone call from someone who is arranging a concert and wanted help.  I have already helped a little but today this person really irritated me.  She gave her name and then said, "You're going to have to print flyers or I'll have to cancel the concert!"    It looks like the concert might be off!

Saturday 15 October 2011

Another Saturday Another University

It's been a really good day.

The university we went to see wasn't too far away and she liked it a lot.  Kent University at the Medway Campus has such an inspiring head of Journalism.  When we were talking to him and he said that he used to work on the Today Programme I was very close to squealing, "Oh, I love the Today Programme!"  The long-suffering-husband had a similar reaction when he said that he's set up Talk Sport!
The Students were all lovely too.  We kept being told about a girl who had just won a prestigious journalism prize through The Independent.  Now, you would imagine that someone that brilliant would be just a little bit stuck-up but we happened to ask her for directions and she was completely normal.  She gave us probably the most useful bit of advice of the day, "Gillingham is a shit-hole"  (As a town to go and get some food)

It was the first University we have visited where the VC gave the correct information about £9000 fees.  The first one to say that you are never going to pay it all back so you shouldn't worry about it.  The first to say that if you have the money in the bank to pay it back you should leave it there!

Because it was only a short day I had time to get lost in Hobbycraft for nearly 2 hours.  I was tempted to buy a book of knitted vegetable patterns but I resisted.

This evening we went to see the local Drama group perform 3 Episodes from Blackadder, which was jolly spiffingly good.  It has inspired me to watch all the Episodes again. I've already discovered that the BBC has a brilliant Blackadder quote generator
http://www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/blackadder/quotes/
Edmund pretending to be mad

Friday 14 October 2011

Pants

Today I was a bit pants.  With the Foundation class I couldn't remember the nursery rhymes I was teaching.  Looking with hope at the other adult in the room was no help, either.  She just laughed and said, "I hope you are going to blog about this!"

Being a musician can be a bit isolating sometimes.  We have a language all of our own that other people don't understand.  Quite often this can make us sound a bit rude.  It is quite common for a conductor to ask you to 'finger your parts' while they rehearse the string section.  String players are notorious for their lack of sense of humour.  It's probably all the G-string jokes!

This is a beautiful drawing of my daughter by one of our Orchestra trustee's wife.

I had a G-string moment this morning, when I asked one of the violin players if he could find his G-string.  My favourite was during a concert when a child said in quite a loud voice, "Miss, my G string has gone all floppy!"
In one rehearsal the string section was having trouble with their pizzicato section and the conductor was getting increasingly frustrated with the rest of the orchestra chuckling about having to finger their parts so he said, "Please, people! Can we have some quiet? We really need to get these plucking strings together!"

Thursday 13 October 2011

Dictionaries, telephone directories and rail timetables

When I've had a really stressful day I will often turn to the dictionary for comfort.  Now, I know it's a bit unusual to find a dictionary comforting but when you think about it you can never read anything that upsets you.  They are just words and meanings and if you find a word you don't like you can just chose not to use it.  This love started quite early.  I can clearly remember looking up the word 'virgin' when I was in the first year of  junior school.  I had been very upset as I been called a virgin by a group of kids in my class and when I told my mum she laughed and said that being a virgin wasn't a bad thing.  She refused to explain why, though and that's when the dictionary became my friend. I think the majority of my early sex education was courtesy of a dictionary.  My favourite bedtime reading at the age of 8 was a book called, "Professor Branstawm's Dictionary".  It was filled with such gems as Catastophe = Cat  wins a prize (cat has trophy).



At the end of the day today I sat in the staffroom browsing my dictionary on my phone and I came across the word 'Shmumbling', which means singing, or humming along to a song that you don't really know the words to.  Such a good word to describe what so many children in my classes are masters at.  There was some surprise from a colleague that I'd been reading a dictionary and I confessed to also enjoying a telephone directory.  He suggested that I'd be reading rail timetables next.  I'm not sure I'd ever go quite that far!

My Dad was a telephone engineer and I think that is partly the reason I like telephone directories.  He used to take us with him when he went on 'emergencies' and we could sit on the operator's swivel chair and look at the directories and ring the speaking clock.  On the way home he'd stop at the pub and we'd sit in the car with a bottle of coke and a packet of crisps.  I love names too.  I had an unusual surname and  22 cousins and so everyone in the phone book with my surname was a relative. I found that intriguing.  You can't beat a funny name either.  My dad used to work with a man called Don Kibbles and my sister and I loved ringing Dad at work to hear this man answer the phone with his name! (Say it quickly!)

There is a word for when you hear something slightly wrong.  I found it a little while ago when browsing the dictionary.  It's Mondegreen, from mishearing the line of a song that should have been "and laid him on the green" as "and Lady Mondegreen"  This last week has been full of Mondegreens.  At the adult choir we are singing Super Trooper by Abba and when I did it with a choir a few years ago they used to sing Pooper Scooper.  I'm sure they did it on purpose but it's somehow stuck with me.  I'm taking a choir to sing at the Royal Albert Hall in November and today I was teaching Land of Hope and Glory.  I had to chuckle when most of the choir sang, "how can we scold thee?"  With the four year olds we were doing Nursery Rhymes and I wasn't surprised that the dog no longer has the measles - it seems to be the weasles now! And my absolute favourite was when teaching Jean Petit Qui Danser the children changed the words to "I'm a cheeky dancer"

With only 73 sleeps until Christmas, I can't wait for Olive the Other Reindeer, Get Dressed You Married Gentleman, O Come let us Ignore him, Jeff's Nut's Roasting on an Open Fire, Round John Virgin and He's making a list of Chicken and Rice.

Wednesday 12 October 2011

Timing

I've spent the whole day pretending that I don't have a headache.  Not an easy thing to do in my job!  At some point, as a primary school music teacher, you are just going to have to let kids bang things.  Now, I have noticed this causes a great deal of excitement and  I wonder if it's a primal instinct - the need to randomly bang things?  Some kids are tappers, always making some kind of rhythmical noise and will probably go on to learn the drums but at 8 or 9 years old, at least 2/3 of a class of 30 have absolutely no sense of rhythm at all.  They are all very excited about banging things but really couldn't find their own pulse, let alone the pulse of the music.  But if you never let them hit anything how will they ever learn?

I blame Pop Factor!  or is it X-idol? I know it's nothing to do with those programmes but I just want to blame them.

I've been thinking about speed and time a lot over the last few days.  Today, I noticed that the children who were most excited about banging something played much faster than those who just found it a little bit noisy.  Some people seem to be able to fit loads of stuff into a very short space of time and others are just 'too busy' to do anything. I'm probably someone who fits quite a lot in (although I'm the first to admit that I don't do any of it very well!) and so I guess I would be the child who bangs things quite fast.

One of the things I love about the Wednesday Adult music school is that the age range of the band is so varied.  There is every age from 18 to 80.  Actually, that can't be true because that would make 62 people in the band and there definitely aren't that many.  Most, though, act quite childishly.  One day, I might grow up and be mature but I can't see it happening any time soon.  Our conductor is my friend who makes me look positively lazy.  She's great, like the Duracell bunny, and always makes us play things much faster than we are capable of.

They say comedy is all about timing.  Maybe it was the comedy that was missing from my music lessons today ?  One Christmas, my family decided to have a Christmas Carol sing-a-long and my Dad (who is much younger than his years and does everything very fast) decided to bang his tambourine on his head. It's a much treasured home video that one day we will send to You've Been Framed for £50. Now that was both comedy and timing.

Tuesday 11 October 2011

Procrastination

It's a shame that procrastination isn't a skill that you can put on your CV because it's probably my greatest talent.  I've always been good at it.  My parents worked out quite early that if they wanted me to tidy my room then they would ask me to practice the flute and vice versa.

Paperwork was on today's agenda.  Everyone hates paperwork, don't they?  I've just been having too much fun actually teaching and my notes have got severely behind. I was determined that today was they day I would  catch up.  That meant that I HAD to pop into school on a day I don't work, then I HAD to pop to Tesco but as I'd forgotten my purse I HAD to go home and back again. When I got home I thought it would be a good idea to paint my nails.  I wanted to see if I could get a Leopard print with the Barry M effects nail polish.  It didn't work very well the first time so obviously I HAD to do it again.  Then I HAD to play the piano for a little while to see how it looked.

Not quite the look I was hoping for!

So then I HAD to clean the kitchen.  To be fair, it was pretty filthy but what was happening to my paperwork?  Then the kitchen drawer broke.


I HAD to try to fix it.

Then I was a bit peckish and there was the wonderful birthday present from my sister calling me - tasting chocolate.  So I HAD to taste some.

At least I didn't HAVE to clean the oven - or I'd never have got through the paperwork I did manage to do!

Monday 10 October 2011

Friendship

I've never been very good at friendship.  I get on with almost everyone and maybe that's the problem.  Aristotle said that he who is friends with everyone is friends with no one.  I've never had one 'best friend'.  Even at school I would always be part of a trio.  I do try to keep in touch with people that I have considered to be friends but I'm really bad at it.  I haven't seen a friend from college since her wedding nearly 4 years ago and despite liking the odd Facebook status of old school friends I actually have no idea how they really are.

The news this morning was all about Dr Liam Fox and how he blurred his personal and professional boundaries by lettting his friend attend Defense meetings.  That's a pretty cool friend.  One who's prepared to break the rules to help you out. I expect they played squash when their girlfriends dumped them and never once spoke about how they were feeling.  Women are so different; everything must be analysed and discussed but there is always competition, although never as openly as a game of squash.

Today was long walk Monday and as I was thinking about Dr Fox and his 'bestie' I decided to invite a human friend to join me and my furry pal.  It was great to walk, talk and put the world to rights.  I'm feeling a bit rebellious at the moment so it was a good job we were in the middle of nowhere or our conversation, if recorded, would have read like a script from Grumpy Old Loose Women.  We sorted out the arts, education, religion and public rights of way!

Public footpaths has never been a topic I've been that passionate about before but when you are attempting to follow a map and the footpath disappears, militancy strikes. I must confess to marching straight across the field waving my map at my poor friend, who had no choice but to follow.



  Obviously, you have to keep going, aware that you have just passed a sign that tells you trespasser's will be shot but when you eventually reach a locked gate you know you are going to have to climb over it and look less than ladylike.

This picture is the other side of the gate!

We walked all the way to Mundon Church, passed the cute Alpaccas at the goat farm and stopped at petrified forest.  Now, I can see why those trees are petrified.  I'd be terrified if I looked like that too!

Apparently, the wood from them was used to build the Spanish Armada.  I'm a bit confused by that fact!  Why did the Spanish come to Maldon to get wood to build their boats?
The Church at Mundon was made redundant in 1970, which surprised me because I thought it was only people that could be made redundant. It is now being cared for by a group called the Friends of Friendless Churches, which is such a great name but does make me feel rather sad.

We walked for about 3 1/2 hours and my poor friend was saying that she felt rather shattered at the end of it. I looked on the map when I got back and it seems as though I frogmarched her on a 12 mile hike!  No wonder I'm not good at friendship.  Even the dog refused an evening stroll!

Sunday 9 October 2011

Myths, legends and Old Wives Tales

I have noticed that people are discussing making their Christmas cakes and Sloe Gin at the moment.  Now, I've discovered that I am a sucker for tradition.  For me, Christmas cake is made on Stir-up-Sunday (the Sunday before advent) and Sloe Gin can't be made until after the first frost because the Sloes are too bitter until then. Even though it felt a bit colder yesterday I still think the first frost could be at least a month away, which means I can't pick my parsnips either.

Sunday mornings are for visiting the allotment and listening to the Archers.  This is a family tradition that as a child I was determined not to follow.  It's funny that it is now my favourite time of the week.  I was reminded of a saying of my Grandmother's, this morning, as I popped a raspberry in my mouth with my dirty hands.  She used to say, "You'll eat a bushel full of dirt before you die."  Not knowing how much a bushel is has given me many sleepless nights over the years. A bushel is only 36.37 litres and that doesn't seem that much to me.

I dug up my beetroot today.  I've never been that keen on beetroot, as  it tastes earthy and  may contribute to the dirt I'm eating but it is meant to be very good for you, having the power to regulate the blood and shrink tumours.  There is a myth that vegetables that grow underground should be planted in the afternoon to encourage them to grow downwards in the direction of the setting sun.  I can't remember when I planted mine but I got quite a good crop.

I have spent all afternoon making beetroot relish.  Beetroot are slippery little suckers! The process wasn't made any easier by the wearing of rubber gloves but even though pink is a great colour I don't want my hands to be any pinker than they are.


The recipe also used all the shallots I had grown this year.  My shallots always cause a great deal of weeping and sniffing.  There are many old wives tales that are meant to stop you crying when chopping onions, for example putting a silver spoon in your mouth, running a cold tap, putting vinegar on the chopping board and eating bread while chopping but I didn't try any of these.  I find it quite therapeutic to have a good cry on a Sunday afternoon!

I'm not sure my relish thickened properly but it needs 30 days to mature before I can try it.

Saturday 8 October 2011

Birthday

To like, reply or ignore is an annual Facebook birthday dilemma.  I had loads of lovely messages and eventually decided on the like button option.  So many people commented on how wonderful it must be to have a birthday on a Saturday.  Normally, I think of Saturdays as nothing days, punctuated with some light housework.  (Very light as I am cultivating a particularly fetching crop of spiderwebs in time for Halloween)  but today was special.  The fifth of hundreds of University Open Days my daughter has planned for us.  These visits have usually been quite traumatic, as my daughter and the long-suffering-husband find something to argue about. Not today, however, as they were both on their best behaviour. 

We were up at 6am for present opening before setting off for Leicester, DeMontford Uni.  I felt very spoilt with presents: Great British Bake Off Book, Cake tin, Handbag and a novel and box of Maltesers. 

My impression of this University was that it was full of very nice people.  I particularly liked the Vice Chancellor's speech.  I can relate to a man who says that his proudest moment was having 2 of Lady GaGa's bras pictured on his university website (because they were designed by a student), while wearing a nifty suit designed by another student.  He is also a twitter fan and asked people to tweet him during his speech.  Quite brave, I thought.  Even braver, though was that he projected the live feed onto the screen as he was speaking.  My favourite tweet was the one that said, "Get me out of here now!".  

This was exactly what my daughter was thinking during the journalism lecture.  Not because it wasn't interesting but because she had developed a migraine and was about to be sick.  Luckily, she held it together. How embarrassing would it be to be known as the girl who vomited during the open day talk?

At every Uni we have visited, a parent always asks about cleaning at the accommodation.  At one, a parent asked who was responsible for cleaning the windows.  I'm so confused about why parents think cleaning is so important.

It was an interesting way to spend a birthday but it was great to get home to this lovely Birthday cake baked by my son and a take-away Chinese with my fantastic Mum and Dad,

Friday 7 October 2011

Funny Fridays

I love Friday.  Not because I'm waiting for the weekend but because everyone seems to go just a little nuts on Friday.  Even the dog knows it's Friday.  He often chooses Fridays to take one look at me and head off in the opposite direction. It's because I have to be in school early for school band practice and he thinks it's funny to make me late.  That, and the fact that Friday is bin-day and without me he stands a better chance of hunting down a nice bone wrapped in black plastic.

This morning I remembered the cake but forgot the music for band so I had to go back and was even later.  The cake was very popular in the staff room.  I can honestly say that the pouting, lip licking and suggestive looks I practiced while making it were worth it!

I had a very traumatic experience at lunchtime.  I was walking through the playground when the small girl who told me I looked a little bit pregnant attatched herself to my leg like a limpet. I tried to shake her off but she clinged on harder and said, "But I really, really love you,"  What do you say to that?  Nothing I said loosened her grip so I dragged my leg towards the staffroom door, opened it and mouthed, "HELP!"

Friday evening is MYO;  a wonderful bunch of nutty kids, who all love music as much as I do. We seemed to have two new members this evening.

I didn't know that pandas were so good at the flute.

Thursday 6 October 2011

Fitness or Fatness

I love food.  I mean, I really love food.  Food is great.  Most of my best memories are food related.  When we mention a place we have been as a family there is always a food memory attached to it. Whether it's an organic Ice Cream shop in St Davids, eating Crepes in Brittany or peeling prawns at Leigh on Sea there doesn't seem to be a place on earth where food hasn't been important to us.  So, I try to keep a bit fit.  I don't do hot sweaty classes but I do walk the dog and swim.  

I've had the kind of day where I'm not sure if I've got the balance quite right.  It's one of the perils of being a teacher - kids are brutally honest.  Today, a small child told me that I look 'a little bit pregnant.'  Quite unfair, I thought but it did get me to the swimming pool this evening.  Next time, I will choose my time a bit more carefully.  I understand that the excitement of seeing a teacher in the swimming pool is enough to make the average 9 year old scream their name but I thought the novelty would have worn off after the first 20 lengths. 

On the way home I picked up a copy of the Good Food Magazine and was very excited to find it came with a free spatula.  I'm not really sure what to do with a spatula.  The long-suffering-husband had a few suggestions but they really aren't printable!

As one person I work with only eats biscuits with faces and coffee cake I thought I'd be kind and make some cupcakes to take in with my coca cola cake tomorrow.  I think I might eaten all the calories I burned off in the pool by licking out the bowl.

Wednesday 5 October 2011

One day I'll write a sitcom

After a day teaching music to children who would much rather be spinning around the hall on their heads I meet some friends at an adult music school and continue my evening making really bad music.  Am I nuts?  I think I am.  It's always been a passion of mine to join very amateur music groups.  I don't know why.  I can make OK music but there is something about these groups that appeals to my sense of humour.  I can giggle all evening and I'm not really responsible for any of it.  I don't have to play at my best the whole time.  

We recently did a concert at a small village church.  We were wedged in backwards, forwards, sideways and we outnumbered the audience by 10 - 1.  They were a very polite audience - remembering to clap etc but during the interval one of the 'ladies of the church' let her true feelings slip.  We all filed out to the graveyard, where they had set up a marquee to serve a glass of warm wine and stale crips/nuts.  This particular lady asked me if I'd like another glass of wine.  I said, "Oh, I'd better not, you know, second half and all that" to which she replied, "You're not going to sing again, are you?"    
I never know what to say in response to such praise and it is always difficult to talk when tears of laughter are running down your face.  Luckily, my lovely friend managed a, "Oh, I'm so glad you enjoyed it.", which just made me slightly hysterical.

My favourite comment following a really bad concert (with a different group) was at a old people's home.  A very old man, with twinkly eyes, came up to me and said, "That sounded really lovely, my dear".  When I raised my eyebrows he added with a grin, "Of course, I had my hearing aid turned off."

There is a member of the band who tapes every rehearsal.  I hope she's not going to write the sitcom before I do!

All the best people are born in October and so I made some Coca Cola cakes to take into work on Friday when I got back.  They're not the prettiest cakes in the world - but I always have fun practicing my Nigella pouts as I make them.


Tuesday 4 October 2011

All Piano's should be destroyed

When adults are interviewed about their regrets they say they wish they'd learnt to play the piano when they were young.  Well, I did learn to play the piano when I was young - and I'm still learning it now that I'm old!
My regret - that I've never given it up!  It's a stupid instrument.  I don't even like the sound that much when it's played properly.  

When I started working as a music teacher I thought I really ought to be able to play properly and so have been learning the pieces to get my grade 8.  I've been learning them for years and last time I was close to knowing them the syllabus changed and I had to learn new pieces.  

I have practiced for 3 hours today.  My fingers, shoulders and arms ache and I can now play 3 out of 4 pages of the Bach without stopping (at just under half the speed it should go).  It doesn't sound nice though and I'm feeling totally disillusioned.  

Monday 3 October 2011

Long-walk-Monday

Monday is the day for a long walk with the dog.  There's nothing like 2 1/2 hours of crunching through leaves in this glorious sunshine.

You know how you never notice how beautiful it is on your own doorstep?  Well a long-walk Monday will cure that.  We started along an old railway line but after a while it got a bit close to the road and my furry companion was being a bit too adventurous.

So we set off through the woods.  It wasn't a peaceful walk, though, as the chainsaws were out in force.  Having a strong foraging instinct, I was tempted to see if I could get one of these in my pocket.

'
  I've always wanted to make my own cricket bat.  Well not really, but that's what went through my mind.  Where do I get these strange ideas from?

Off to the falls, only to be disappointed that the tide is out and so not as impressive as usual.  Still beautiful though.

After 2 hours walking it was time to go home.  The dog was sticking close after an encounter with a small donkey (I think he thought it was a large dog) and so we didn't fancy turning round when we found the entrance to the footpath blocked.

For a moment, the future headline of the local paper flashed in front of my eyes.
"WOMAN IN HIGHLY INAPPROPRIATE FOOTWEAR RESCUED FROM MALDON MUD!"
Luckily, I was able to free myself. However, "Hello Miss", is not what you want to hear from a skiving ex-student when your feet look like this.

Sunday 2 October 2011

Sunday Morning Religion

I sang in a church choir for a while.  The Thursday evening rehearsals were great but because I wasn't available for any Sunday morning services I had to leave.  It seems that my Sunday morning religion was in conflict with the church.  

On Sunday morning I go to the allotment and listen to the Archers.  I listen with headphones so that none of the 'old boys' can give me advice.  I like my allotment but if I start to listen to advice I might think it's got to be perfect.

It was hot and sweaty this morning. I've started digging over but think it might be a bit early as they weeds haven't got the message that it's October and that they should have stopped growing.  They are not the only confused ones.  Strawberries in October?

While I was there a man from the Town Council in a suit with a clipboard arrived to do an allotment inspection. He told me that he's recently been promoted to the environment committee and was taking his job seriously.  Why I heard this in a thick Yorkshire accent (despite the very Essex twang it was delivered with)  I'll never know.  Luckily, I was there to avoid getting another weed letter!  Oh yes, our council send letters complaining if you have too many weeds.  I keep getting letters implying that I have a too big plot and if I gave up half of it (so they could reduce their waiting list) I would be able to have no weeds.  What they don't understand is that I quite like weeds they don't do me any harm so sometimes I just leave them. Horror!!

Time to go and do something with the fruit and veg I've come home with.


Saturday 1 October 2011

Great British Bake Off

After last week's GBBO I realised I'd never made an iced bun or a mousse cake.  What have I been doing with my life? 

I love that programme - baking has never looked so sexy, although I often wonder why they all have to look the same.  Things I bake never look beautiful.  They usually taste OK but come out all shapes and sizes.

Today's challenge is the iced bun.  Hedgehog-bearded Paul gives the impression that his recipes have to followed to the letter and one thing I can do is read, so I thought it couldn't be too difficult.
As I'm not keen on being bored I also decided to make the lovely Holly Bell's (what a great name!  She ought to write a Christmas book) Strawberry and Custard melts.

The dough for the iced buns was really wet.  If a recipe tells you to mix with your hands and it has eggs, milk, flour, sugar and yeast you can be pretty certain your hands are going to look like you've got some nasy skin disease (mine did, anyway).   I also have biceps like Superman after 14 minutes of kneeding. 

While it was rising to double it's size I made the melty biscuits.  It turns out that I am hopeless with a piping bag.  I couldn't win a competition with these odd shaped biscuits.

After my incompetance with a piping bag I thought I would use a knife to put in the custard butter cream. That was a mistake - these biscuits are far too crumbly to touch with a knife.




The iced buns had doubled in size and it was time to get them into finger shapes.  I couldn't quite bring myself to weigh them out, so they are roughly even in size.

They seem quite popular for an evening browsing University prospecti (or is it prospectuses?!) - even if the cream does get on your nose.