The past wasn’t so long ago

 “So what do you think about the Russell Brand thing?” appears to be the new chat up line. 

That’s what I think I’m hearing anyway. Young men try to convince young women that they don’t believe it. “It’s mainstream media.” “They’ve got it in for him.” “Yeah, he was a bit - you know - but it was the time.” And the young women look at them, doe-eyed and say, “Oh yes. It was different then.”

Was it, though?

This past wasn’t so long ago and I remember. In fact if you are over18 you probably remember.

Most men were decent, respectful people. Except that they refused to believe that some men were monsters. Most women didn’t want to be treated badly but they refused to believe that a man who was awful to other women would be mean to them. 

We put the outliers on TV. Those whose behaviour was so shocking it made us uncomfortable enough to try to laugh it off. 

Nothing has changed. Nothing will change until we stop pretending times have changed, know that some bad men exist and stop rewarding those  because it’s easier than admitting what they are really like. 

So, girls, if you are presented with this chat up line then the only truly sexy man is the one that knows the comedian, who I wasn’t going to write about, for what he is; shockingly awful enough to be entertaining from a distance but not someone you should want in your real life. 

Real men collaborate. 

The Sky is Falling

 I haven’t written a blog in ages. It was our disastrous holiday to Bristol that did it. Trust me, none of you wanted to hear me whine on about rain, cow poo and parking fines. I’ve also been doing much more proper writing and didn’t want to waste my ideas. 

Foraging innuendo nearly tempted me back, as did back to school grumpiness coupled with an unseasonable heatwave. There was a moment of joy when I worked with some small people and we made really nice music and then the comedian (who I refuse to write about whose name rhymes with Muscle land) used the word Baroque and my fingers twitched over the keyboard.

However, I have returned for an inspirational, seize the day message.

The weather turned, the wicked witch blew in from the East, the rain smelled of fish, all the leaves flew from the trees and I was walking down a footpath feeling maudlin. Worry pricked my every thought and then an acorn hit me on the head. Smack! It crossed my mind that I had been attacked with a claw hammer - it was that painful. Comedy cartoon squirrels circled my vision and a lump sprang up on my head complete with the ascending pitch slide that you would expect. Maybe the noise was just in my head, it was impossible to detach imagination from dizzy reality.

What if this is the way I go? I thought.

Years of drinking water, avoiding sex drugs and rock and roll, or daily yoga practice and it turns out I’m going to die from an acorn falling from a tree. Chicken Licken  wasn’t so stupid after all. 

Some people would take that as an inspirational ‘live for today’ message. So this is my gift to you, as a first blog back after a short reprieve.