Ten things said about Celebrities on their school reports
1. Winston Churchill - "He has no ambition."
2. Jilly Cooper - "Jilly sets herself an exremely low standard which she has failed to maintain."
3. Jeremy Paxman - "Stubborness is in his nature"
4. John Lennon - "Certainly on the road to failure."
5. Judi Dench - "Judi would be a good pupil if she lived in this world."
6. Diana (Princess of Wales) - "Must try to be less emotional in her dealings with others."
7. Michael Palin - "Just a tiny bit pleased with himself."
8. Margret Thatcher - "Her cheeriness makes her a pleasant member of the form."
9. Peter Ustinov - "Shows great orginality, which must be curbed at all costs."
10. Norman Wisdom - "The boy is every inch a fool but luckily for him he's not very tall."
Ten things you'd like to write on a report but know you shouldn't
1. He is thick as two short planks.
2. I have tried to teach him but you can't polish a turd.
3. He is a complete pain in the arse.
4. I've tried but I really dislike your son.
5. If only she stopped talking for 5 second.....
6. She is such a crawler
7. He is just average
8. She is just average
9. He is just average
10. She is just average.
Ten things said about me in my reports
1. Junior 1 Special aptitudes - "Good recorder work"
2. Junior 1 Reading - "Enjoys humorous literature."
3. Junior 1 General remarks - " Her lack of self confidence is unfounded."
4. Junior 2 Special aptitues "Member of 2nd year choir and recorder group. Good at needlework."
5. Junior 2 General remarks - "Julie (sic) looks timid."
6. Junior 3 English - "Julia can express herself with clarity and humour."
7. Junior 4 Special aptitudes - "None"
8. Senior 3 -Elements of Engineering Design - "Her lack of confidence with the machines is a drawback with her practical work."
9. Senior 4 French - "Her Christmas test result was disappointing."
10 - Senior 5 Music - " Julia seems to have a grasp of the basic musical skills."
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