Very Limited and Specific Lawbreaking

 You’d forgotten about Brexit hadn’t you? What with all this pandemic malarkey, leaving the EU didn’t seem to be anything to worry about and the government had promised us that they had a half-baked deal anyway. Coronavirus cases are on the rise, it is illegal to meet more than six people socially from Monday and it’s probably only a matter of time before we have to stop doing everything except work. None of this is being taken too seriously though because they talked about Brexit in parliament.

It turns out that the microwave meal isn’t good enough (they never are in my experience) and they are going to change it. Obviously, they can’t do that because it’s breaking international law but they are going to anyway. 

When Northern Ireland secretary, Brandon Lewis was asked about it, he said that it does break the law but in a “very limited and specific way.”

Everyone in prison has broken the law in a limited and specific way.

“Oh no,guv, I didn’t just murder him. I broke every law it was possible to break. The murder was quite limited and specific, though, I admit. It was only one person and I only stabbed him. Poisoning and strangling seemed a bit pointless.”

This means that if we are asked to stop the freedoms they have given us and we don’t want to, we will be prepared to break the laws in a limited and specific way or take a drive to a castle to test our eyesight. I can’t see new restrictions being very effective, especially as we weren’t meant to be seeing more than six people not in our household anyway, unless they were two households. This is all about lack of clarity of message. Wash Cover Make Kill Granny is confusing. People aren’t following the guidance because they can’t see the point of it. It’s not logical for it to be safe to cram onto the tube to go to work but not have drinks with 15 mates in your garden. I met an old lady yesterday, who had just come off the bus. Her glasses had steamed up from the mask and she wanted to tell me her whole life story. “I hate this bloody virus,” she said, “It’s worse than the war. At least then we knew what to expect.” I’m sure hindsight has something to do with how she feels but it’s not a great testament to the government’s communication strategy.

In this era of the world going crazy, I have noticed that many things seem to be breaking the rules in limited and specific way. Last night we spent half an hour chasing a wasp out of our bedroom, only for it to come back in four times. Normally, they are thrilled to have their freedom.

My body decided to break the rules in a very limited and specific way too when I swam last night. I had hiccoughs. This is not something I’ve had when swimming before. I hic’d every three to four strokes. It even happened when I was under water. At one point a bad front crawler splashed an armful of water up my nose and that didn’t even cure it. 

Let’s hope this trend of breaking the law in unusual but limited and specific ways doesn’t continue. Who knows what will be next. I could get flowers on my strawberry plants.