I couldn’t write anything for the last two days. I wasn’t sure why. The words just tumbled round my head and never went anywhere. Now that it’s 3am and I’m awake and full of cold there’s no excuse, so here goes. Rambling stream of snot-filled consciousness here we come.
Kit Malthouse did the morning media rounds yesterday and said that we should shop our neighbours if they had more than six people round. This is not the world I want to live in.
‘Kit Malthouse?’ you say, ‘Never heard of him. Why should we listen to him? He sounds like a chocolate bar.”
He is the Minister of State for Crime and Policing, so I suppose this is government policy now. Be a good citizen, count the number of people in and out of your neighbour’s houses, dial 666 and policemen standing on their heads will answer and say, ‘Rule of Six hotline, which of your neighbours do you hate today?’
This is what happens when you turn a virus into a war.
It really worries me that we are blaming the young. The old people I know aren’t exactly following the rules either. They might not be putting it on Instagram but they are still having their dinner parties. I know that the implication of the young must be based on some facts from test and trace but to bring in these laws and ask us to report on each other the week students return seems very worrying. A student household of six strangers means that not one of them can have a friend round without breaking the law. Will students be leaving university with a whopping debt and a criminal record?
As I’m full of a back to school cold I’ve been thinking about bugs. Where exactly do they come from? We’ve spent nearly six months, not seeing anyone and washing our hands. The second we are back to school, every single child is full of snot: Sneezing, hacking and coughing all over the place. There’s no reason for this. They are handwashing and using the dreaded sanitiser often enough for their hands to need to join AA. None of them were sick when they came back but just the act of being around people they hadn’t been with caused the bugs that live without bothering their host a chance for new noses to tickle. Because I’ve been teaching for 101 years these back to school bugs don’t normally affect me very much. My immune system is used to mixing and so I just usually lose my voice. This time, it’s gone into complete overdrive. Hence the 3am ramble about snot.
There are lots of unusual bugs around at the moment. At the weekend I spent some time with my camera at the prom, trying to get the perfect sunset picture and was attacked by tiny little flying beetles. It’s probably the weather, climate change or the plague of locusts we were warned about in the Bible.
There are some amazing sunsets at the moment. Let’s hope it’s not because the sky is actually burning.
While I’m writing this ramble of rubbish I haven’t been able to stop thinking about Kit Malthouse. Well, not him exactly but the picture my mind makes of him. He has a huge malteser for a head, smaller ones for hands and feet and the rest of his body is made from Kit Kats. In Japan, you can get Kit Kats in all sorts of flavours and so I imagine this despicable man is made from Wasabi or soya bean paste flavour, rather than the delicious salted caramel ones that have just appeared on our shelves.
Feed a cold, starve a fever.
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