Listening to The Archers in bed

 I’m having a lie in this morning. I still woke up at 5am but there’s a BBC radio 4 researcher asleep in my living room and it would be a bit rude if I woke her up to do my morning yoga. When adult journalist daughters come back to live with you and coronavirus restrictions ease you start to meet their friends.

“Hello, nice to meet you,” I said when she arrived. 

I confused myself for a second because I knew we hadn’t just met and I thought she had visited more recently.

“Mum! It’s only been eight years!” My daughter rolled her eyes, meaning the length of time we had known her, not when I last saw her, which was only last month. She was the first outsider to stay in our house after the pandemic, so my greeting was suspiciously formal.

I think it was a reaction to having been at work for a couple of days. The Telegraph has an article today, that isn’t worth reading, that says if there’s another lockdown teachers mustn’t be allowed binge watch Netflix. Clearly, it’s Netflix’s fault for the collective tiredness of teachers and has nothing to do with trying to ram facts into the heads of 30 small people while getting them to wash their hands one hundred and eleven times a day!

I’m rambling. Sorry. I was going to tell you about Sunday morning lie-ins.

When I realised that a lie-in was on the cards it reminded me of my old life, where I could sit still and binge-watch Netflix. I thought it would be fun. I thought I might read a book, think, blog from bed and maybe even stay here so long I could listen to the Archers. 

This thought made me feel suddenly depressed and I remembered how I’d ranted at the researcher about the state of The Archers the previous evening. 

I was initially supportive of the new format’. I didn’t mind listening to the inner thoughts of the characters, although we all knew David’s inner monologue would be incredibly dull.   I could forgive the dullness because things were odd. I was just grateful that they could continue recording from their bedrooms. I was surprised that they couldn’t talk to each other because it didn’t make sense for radio if they weren’t in the same room. People didn’t stop talking during the pandemic. There was the phone and zoom and people on dog walks talked more than normal in real life. However, I forgave BBC radio 4, particularly because More or Less was the voice of pandemic reason. 

Now, though, I’ve had enough. I do not want Lynda Snell’s inner thoughts on her sex life. A whole episode on why Robert has little blue pills in his pocket was just the weirdest thing to listen to. Alice’s alcoholism spiralling out of control would be bad enough but listening to her inner thoughts as she blames everyone and justifies her own behaviour makes her unlikeable and completely changes the dynamic of her character. I want the old Archers back. 

And I hate the folky theme tune!