Words Matter

I’ve been cross with myself for a while. Someone I know, a woman, said something and I didn’t challenge her on it. It’s been bothering me and I wonder if that makes me complicit. 

We’ve all been there. You know, when you are at a family wedding and Great Aunt Maud mutters something racist and you feel you should explain to her that it’s no longer acceptable to use those words but for the sake of a quiet life or the fact that you are shocked by her choice of language, you say nothing.

This word shock happened as we were discussing how much some children had grown seen we last saw them. This is a favourite topic amongst us old people. When you were a child you could never understand how, whenever you saw your granny, or even more distant relatives, they would coo and say, “My, haven’t you grown!”

It was obvious to you. You were a child. Growing was your job and you couldn’t understand why these elderly grown ups were so obsessed with it. You wanted to say, “My, how you’ve stayed the same!” Or, “My, how you’ve shrunk!” Or, “My, how you’ve wrinkled!” 

However, now I am older I am always surprised how quickly children grow and I realise it’s because time is a funny thing.

Anyway, with lockdown, time has been even weirder. Seventeen weeks have felt simultaneously like a lifetime and no time at all. So, children we haven’t seen have suddenly shot up.

All the old clichés appeared. 

“Looks like he slept in a grow bag!”

“They grow up so fast.”

“Blink and you’ll miss it.”

Then I noticed something I hadn’t seen before. Maybe it’s because it’s Summer and the kids are all in shorts but I suddenly noticed that with pre-teens, it’s their legs that grow first. Suddenly, their legs are six inches longer, before the rest of them catches up.  

“Look how long her legs have got!” I said.

An this person, who I should have challenged but didn’t said, “Hmmm. Jailbait.”

I should have said something. 

I’m cross with myself.

That’s not ok.

Girls should be allowed to grow.

When girls start to mature sexually it’s up to men not to have sex with them. It’s not the girl’s fault for having the audacity to grow long beautiful legs. 

Jailbait is a disgusting term, which implies that men can’t be held responsible for doing something illegal and possibly violent to a girl who has just started to develop into a woman. 

I honestly can’t believe that the woman I was talking to actually believes that the pre-teen with the long legs would have been ‘asking for it’ if she were raped but that is the implication of the word.

I should have said something at the time but now I’ve written it down. Maybe that absolves me from the complicit guilt.