Oh No it’s not

Well, that cultural rescue package went down well.

Enough money to save the ‘crown jewels’ (which I think means the places like the Royal Opera House, National Gallery, etc) and the provincial theatres and galleries, so that even if you can’t get to London, you will still be able to watch a panto.

Obviously it’s not enough. Thousands of people will still lose their jobs and a lot of culture will die (or reinvent itself) but it’s something and anyway that’s not what people are cross about.

Oh yes it it.

Oh, no it’s not. Surprisingly, they are just furious about Panto, Hamilton and lefty liberals who deserve nothing from a government they’ll never vote for.

I understand that the last point but even if people won’t vote for you, they might still be a large part of the economy. Remember there is a whole government department dedicated to culture. I think it contributes 11% of GDP. They had to do something, even if they were reluctant.

Hamilton has triggered the usual suspects. How dare you have a slave trader played by a black man? Personally, it’s those aspects of theatre I love - the fact that it can challenge you to think in a different way. Nothing has to be real. A story can help you explore so much more.

Then there’s Panto. Wow! Slap my thigh! Who knew this particular form of theatre could get people so cross?

It’s got everything we need to get us through these difficult times: singing, dancing, jokes, cross dressing. One of the best things I’ve ever done in my life is Panto. I did 5 of them and wrote 4 (one is still in the drawer because teacher workload became too much) to raise funds for the school. The teachers and parents acted, the children danced, the PTA sold sweets to the rest of the school who booed and hissed and invested everything in the triumph of good over evil. Being evil, in the style of Ann Robinson, while my Dad was in hospital having another heart attack was one of the most therapeutic things I’ve ever done. Fighting giants has reminded me that I can be brave, even in my lowest moments.

Making sure I had 5 ticks per page as I re-read my scripts and ticked every possible chuckle or groan, reminded me of how important laughter is.

What we really need now is Panto. We need to be able to have Corona Eileen as the villain to be bested.

I was going to write about how important Panto was to saving the economy but you’ll have to excuse me because I’ve got an idea. I’m sure this is going to be the best way to spend the rest of my day.

Oh no it’s not.