The self sabotage cruise

 “But I don’t want to go on a cruise,” I whined at the Long Suffering Husband after a zoom meeting with a historical murder writer.

“Oh, can we, though? Just once?” he pleaded, “I’d just like to try it.”

I felt sick at the thought. The idea of being trapped on something that makes me vomit doesn’t sound like my idea of fun.

However, the writer hadn’t been talking about cruising as a holiday. It was his life. He researched murders , wrote books and then gave talks on them, showing slides of the original documents to people who need distracting from trying to escape the boat by throwing themselves overboard. He seemed rather happy with this arrangement but the thought of any kind of book tour, especially one on a cruise leaves me cold. The idea of being entertained on a ship by being told about a woman who was murdered and pushed out of a port hole doesn’t seem very appealing either. He thought it was a great life and was particularly impressed with having a “captive audience.”

His work was interesting if, like me, you love a murder and get overly excited by a historical document. However, if you are also easily distracted, like me, then when it came to the end and you were given an opportunity to ask questions then all you could think to ask would be, “So, you live in Romsey, do you know my friends?” and “Is cruising compulsory  if you write a book?” 

I was a little embarrassed because I know that I’m the person in the group who has the kind of forensic approach to the research that could end up with a book and also the only person who is prepared to make up the bits that are missing. I have also committed to 500 words a day on my Emily project.

Yesterday, after being very grumpy at work (apologies to anyone I grumped at) and listening to the author talk about murder research I sat down to write 500 words. I wrote 50.

 I don’t want to go on a cruise. Don’t make me go on a cruise. I just want to write it down and get it out of my head.. If stopping Emily moaning on at me at 3am means going on a cruise then I’m afraid I’m just going to have to put up with it because I get sick on a canal boat.

Me, thinking about pushing Emily out of the porthole

I know this is self sabotage and that all I have to do is write it down. It never has to be sent to a publisher. I don’t have to go on a cruise. Just write it and stop being grumpy, woman!