Mental Health

 At the end of mental health week I have some thoughts.

Mental health week is a difficult one for me. It arrives at the anniversary of my mum’s death. This is a week when the house fills will little white feathers, robins chirp from every branch, clouds turn themselves into polos and still I refuse to properly grieve. I’m sure it would be better if I could but this anniversary is also the anniversary of when my mental health stopped being healthy. Instead of normal sadness I find myself getting cross with myself and inwardly shouting, “Three f-ing years, Julia! Isn’t it about time you pulled yourself together?” So, here are some thoughts from a mad woman about mental health.

1. We all have mental health.

2. Most of of us have more mental health than mental disease.

3. None of us want mental disease.

4. Just like physical disease there are acute, chronic and recurring versions. For example, everyone will have times when they feel anxious or depressed. For most of us that won’t last too long and it is acute like a bout of cystitis  but if it goes on too long it becomes chronic, like arthritis, or it could keep coming back, like malaria.

5. Just like physical illness, some people like attention when they are ill and others prefer to ‘suck it up and carry on.’

6. The older you get the more illnesses you have and the less easily you bounce back from them. This is also true for mental illness.

7. Society doesn’t enjoy thinking about disease of any sort. Look at how quickly Davina will stop talking about her menopause once she’s through it or observe how little we will talk about Covid once this current shit show is over. There will be no war metaphors when it’s over. I know this from History. In the 1920s one mentioned the thousands that died from flu but they did erect giant phallic symbols for those that died in war.

8. You can’t see mental disease. Some very skilled ‘suck it uppers’ will look extremely happy.

9. Weight isn’t a good indicator of mental health.

10. If your brain is a bit holey then try to be kind to yourself because no one else can see the holes.

In the last week I lost count of the times I got cross over posts that said something like, “If you are struggling, ring me, any time of the day or night. I’d rather that than go to your funeral.” I’m not sure why they made me so cross. The intention is good, right? Except that I kept thinking it wasn’t about the person struggling. It was about the person who was worried about how they’d cope with their own grief. Maybe I’m being unfair but really, what would you say to someone who rang you at 3am and said, “I haven’t slept for three years and I can’t do this any more.” Could you fix it? Would it be worse if you tried to help and made it worse? I kept thinking that there was a lot of pressure in those posts and that mental illness is hard enough without having to carry the expectations of others too. 

My advice for anyone who is currently in an acute or chronic phase of mental illness is to get outside and look at small things. Stick to the reliable. Notice how plants and trees grow. See the same ones coming back every year. Notice that some years tree leaves have spots and then all of a sudden, one year, without doing anything they don’t. Look at how a tree adapts to having a branch cut off.  It gives you perspective. 

 

This also happens to have been the advice of this year’s campaign.