Political Love Island

Look, I know the country is going to Hell in a handcart. Racists are roaming the street with Swazstikers tattooed on their arms, old ladies are wearing t-shirts crying for death to Blairites, England's national football team can't win against the one that caused raucous laughter when I picked it out of the sweepstake pot, and the weather is only good for slugs. And it is all the fault of the politicians, who decided that letting us have a vote on the EU question (yes, even the weather) was a good idea.

It has been hard for them. They are tired and a bit grumpy. They've probably got blisters from all that walking around, having their photo taken in pretty places. They haven't eaten properly in months. Can you imagine what it's like to have a pie and a pint for breakfast dinner and tea? They have had their ego bruised and battered as they tried to talk to people about voting to remain part of something that they have been telling them is the cause of their suffering for the last 6 years. And to cap it all, they lost. Even the ones that won lost. Boris Johnson who wanted his campaign slogan to be, "Say no for a better yes," has been scuppered by Angela Merkel who has said there will be no informal talks until article 50 has been triggered. Nigel Farage is always a loser.

Sometimes we forget that politicians are real people. We expect them to keep doing their jobs on an hour's sleep a night and be nice to everyone even when they are hangry. 

What they all need is a little mini break. 

We could send them all off somewhere together for a little while. Just a couple of days. Maybe a deserted island, where they could chill out and get a bit drunk. I suggest one of the deserted Scottish Islands because we wouldn't want to be too extravagant. When they come back they would be much more able to deal with it all.

I recommend we send all the political journalists off too, on a separate island because I think they are all sounding a bit overworked and hysterical.

I know it seems like a terrible waste of tax payers money but I am sure it would be worth every penny. Just think, two or three days free of political tantrums. 

Come on, you know it's a good 

idea.