I’m sorry if

 These are stressful times. 

It’s my daughter’s fault. When she was younger she decided that she wanted to live through ‘history’ and then she decided that instead of studying history she would learn to write the original sources. So, here we are. The universe is granting her wish and we are about to live through a revolution (or not, depending upon whether people can be bothered after they’ve watched granny’s funeral on Zoom).

I know that’s you’ll agree with me. I’ve seen a lot of people blaming journalists. Why didn’t they say something sooner? (because they were working in their bedrooms and no one told them what was happening in the Downing Street gardens.) They we’re probably  at the parties themselves (maybe some were, not everyone followed the rules but journalists didn’t make them) 

I’m not enjoying it.

People in public life should follow the Nolan principles, so that we can be certain they are working in our interests. The longer this all goes on, the less trust we can have in them. We see their games. We watch the Labour Party not really wanting the Prime Minister to resign just in case someone competent takes over and we have another 5 years of conservative rule. The baking (ed: banking! Clearly, a baking crisis would be worse!) crisis led to the development of Bitcoin and I can’t help thinking that if they don’t sort themselves out soon, bloody-man-the-barricades-flag-waving revolution is on its way. Do you hear the people sing? Singing the songs of angry men?

Anyway, back to my daughter. I think we can all agree that she should apologise.

Being a journalist, though, and being good with words and understanding grammar she will know how to make an apology in the passive voice. 

“Mistakes have been made. (not by me). I want to apologise (but I won’t) I’m sorry if you think I wished this on you (but I didn’t). I will have an enquiry (and get my mate to tell you I’m lovely really and have no powers to wish an ‘interesting’ life upon you all, even though you all know that I did.)”

Even if the Prime Minister resigns and we avoid a revolution then can I suggest closing the House of Commons bar? No other industry still has the boozy lunch, popping out of a couple of pints at lunchtime, or a drinking your clients under the table culture anymore. No wonder the Prime Minister is confused. We think that bring your own bottle of booze equals party. They think it’s work when the subsidised bar is closed!

*None of the words in brackets are to be spoken out loud (Boris is a *******)