Two camels

How old were you when you realised your worth?

I was about eight. I don’t know where we were or why it happened but my dad made a joke about selling me for two camels. I’d never seen a camel, although I had learnt about dromedaries in school, which were supposedly like camels but with one hump. We didn’t learn that two humped camels were called bactrians. 

It was a shock on so many levels.

I’d grown up in a feminist household. My parents believed in equal rights for women however, it was the Seventies and there was a general distrust and suspicion of foreigners. My mother remained convinced, until the end of her life, that if you went camping in France then you would certainly be murdered in your beds and you would have no one to blame but yourself. 

I clearly remember wondering why he thought he could sell me at all. Was I like an old car that had outgrown its usefulness? I also wondered why anyone would buy me. I was, luckily, quite naive and had no idea what use a grown man would have with an eight year old girl. Never mind one that spent her whole life asking questions. I remember that I was definitely to be sold to a man and a man dressed in a long white dress. 

I didn’t even know my parents wanted one camel, let alone two and I didn’t think our garden was big enough.

The biggest shock was that everyone laughed. I couldn’t understand how this topic was a joke. I tried to barter my way out of it. Couldn’t they sell my sister instead? Or my Mum? Everyone laughed. Mum joked that she wouldn’t even fetch a half-dead flea bitten camel and my sister was too young. 

Somehow, this conversation made me feel less safe, even though I didn’t know why but I certainly knew it was only happening because I was a girl.

Today, I have an overwhelming feeling of hopelessness. Afghanistan, Plymouth incel (that’s a new word for me) and men on the internet who think the simple solution would be to give every young man a girl or think that women only have themselves to blame for taking hope away from young men.  Has anything improved for women at all, or has it actually got worse? When did they stop having to pay in camels?