4th day of Cheesemas

 I know. You are getting fed up of cheese now.

“Can’t I eat something else?” you cry.

The kids are beginning to fight. No one wants to play board games anymore and when you suggest a walk you get the look that makes you feel like the worst parent in the world - and that’s just from the dog.

This, however, is not the day for quitters. The kids won’t be back at school for seven days.

Oh wait.

Gove is on the radio.

Phew!

Back to school as normal. Seven days. You can do this. No. You can’t catch coronavirus in schools. Don’t be silly. Look, there’s a bus!

Yes, children will be back at school as normal. Staggering in. Oh and test them first.

We hope to get children back to school as soon as it is possible.

People are looking at the heat maps and noticing that the change and spread started in September. What happened in September? #CloseSchools trends on Twitter. 

Gavin Williamson is busy texting his buddies to decide what to do. He’s worried that he will have to sue himself if he orders schools to go to remote learning.

Only exam students and Primary schools to go back. We all know that small children never spread disease. Never in the history of all mankind has a child ever wiped its snotty nose on a teacher’s arm or coughed in their face. And you definitely can’t get ill if you are taking exams.

Healthcare staff are beginning to explain how desperate the situation is in hospitals. No one yet has managed to successfully tell the government that a faster spread is more of a problem for the health service than the deadliness of the disease. In the last year they haven’t suddenly magicked up more doctors, nurses or other resources. In fact, with so many having to self isolate it might have made the problem worse. There are now more people in hospital with Covid than there were at the height of the lockdown but hey ho, schools are safe.

Whatever happens, with the cases being so high in this area, this is undoubtedly going to be the most difficult term so far. Kids and teachers will have to self isolate more often than is healthy. Some children will never forgive themselves for killing granny or their maths teacher. Schools will struggle to run as staff get sick.  

So, like I said. This is no time for quitting. Get that cheese out, have a nice glass of wine or six and wait for the government to decide to, again, do too much, too little, too late.

I mark the 4th day of Cheesemas with a long brisk walk (on my own if the look everyone gave me yesterday is anything to go by) followed by a mixed cheese toasted sandwich, while I plan my most flexible lessons possible for next term.

You might predict a riot but I propose a toastie.