I heard.....

Overhearing is usually one of my favourite hobbies but not at the moment. Gone are the snippets about Uncle Tony and his preference for marmalade and sardine sandwiches or Aunty Mary who fell down the stairs. (I’m never surprised by this one because Aunty Mary had a canary up the leg of her drawers). Now, every conversation starts with, “I heard...” This can be in loud or hushed tones, it can be said with pride or fear but it is always related to the Coronavirus.

I heard a boy ate a bat.
I heard they eat bats in China.
I heard a pangolin ate a bat.
I heard you can get it from Chinese restaurants.
I heard the Chinese use boiled up pangolins to treat psoriasis.
I heard Ireland is on total lockdown.
I heard that’s only Italy.
I heard it’s spread by noodle shaped foods.
I heard Tesco has run out of Spaghetti.
I heard that a thousand people have died in Italy.
I heard we are all going to die.
I heard you’ll die if you don’t have a balcony to sing on.
I heard schools are closing.
I heard Universities have already closed.
I heard over seventies won’t be allowed out (no one can prove I’m not seventy yet -said to hilarious laughter)
I heard you won’t even be allowed to walk the dog.
I heard there’s enough chlorine in this pool to kill any virus.
I heard they make toilet paper in China and that’s why we need to get it now.
I heard all flights are cancelled.
I heard there will be a thousand pound fine if you leave the house.
I heard the virus was made in a lab.
I heard it was the Russians.
I heard there aren’t any cases in Russia.
I heard there aren’t any cases in Antarctica.
I heard Penguins stop the transmission.
I heard penguins can give it to dogs, though.
I heard the government privately briefed Robert Peston because they want us to panic.
I heard it’s an elaborate rouse to stop climate change.
I heard we’re all going to die.

Everyone is on edge. Not just from fear of an unknown virus but from fear of isolation.

Since I started writing this, the world has actually gone mad. Who knows what history will make of it but I’m going on record to say that I think the whole thing is bonkers.