Sick Days

Today I was unable to go to work, so, just for you (no need to thank me) I sat on the sofa with BBC Parliament on the TV and learnt everything there is to know about the Syria bombing debate.

• David Cameron is going to send raptors in.
• Saying sorry is the hardest thing to do.
• They all want us to call the people being bombed Daesh instead of ISIS (due to protests from the International Space Station) but no one can agree on the pronunciation.
• There are lots of old men in parliament.  
• Men shout a lot.
• Women stand up to give the Prime Minister 'motherly advice,' which he obviously chooses to ignore. No teenage boy ever puts his pants in the laundry basket, no matter how often his mum tells him that it will make girls love him.
• Long words are popular.
• 70,000 is a big number for politicians to count to. Let's face it, we've all done it. 1,2,3,....5,000....twenty several.....70,000.
• Jeremy Corbyn, sadly, is a bit shit but he doesn't shout; he just looks sad.
• It's very crowded and people have to constantly ask if someone will give way.
• It's hard for people to make progress but they keep telling you that they will.
• Everyone has made up their mind before they hear what is said.
• There is no worse insult than being called a pacifist.
• Twitter has made up its mind and gets very angry with anyone they don't agree with.
• Women are allowed to speak when the important people have gone to the loo and for lunch but they must say they are a mother.
• Whipping seems quite popular.
• Alan Johnson is good for a soundbite (expect to see  "I wish I had the self righteous certitude of the finger jabbing representatives of the newer kinder politics." in the press)
• Yvette Cooper can be the most reasonable person but Twitter will respond with, "Ed Balls" and "Airhead"
• There is a father of the house and he's a sweet old man who seems to make sense.  They don't shout when he is talking but there is some eye rolling going on, which is a fairly normal teenage reaction when Daddy is speaking. 
• Tim Farron is quite an emotional little bunny.  There were tears in my eyes but I am ill.
• The Defence Committee don't think it is a good idea.
• Some MPs don't breathe.
• Most people think we should do it because we've been asked to. (That's always been my problem.  Honestly! The number of concerts I've done because I was asked when I knew it was a bad idea!)
• No body really knows anything.
• They won't vote until about 10 o clock tonight, even though they've been saying, "tonight," all day. (I hope there are some people still left)

I'm going to turn it off now and pull myself together; thankful that I only have to deal with small children making horrible noises rather than having to sit up half the night to vote on whether dinosaurs can end a religious war.