Oooofy

 The English language is missing a word. 

It’s not surprising because it’s a grief word and we are really not very good at talking about death. Here I go again, though. You’d think I’d be over it by now. No one likes a grief-dweller. Stop banging on about it. Don’t make me think.

I understand. However, there’s still a word missing for a phenomenon that is happening more and more often. You need this word when you are forced into a situation where you remember a person you loved that has died. It’s different from when you intentionally seek out a memory. It’s not choosing to look at old photos or reminisce about the time your dad tied a wire to the cat and tried to coax it under the floorboards in a blog about grief to lighten the mood.

No, this is the feeling you get when a memory is forced upon you. It used to be rare. The jumper section of Marks and Spencer’s at Christmas, someone walking past wearing your mum’s perfume or a dream (bloody dreams). The sensation is like a punch to the gut. It doesn’t necessarily make you feel bad. The memory could be good. Nice. Soothing or calming but it’s the unexpectedness of it that does something to you that has no word in English. Other languages may have a word. The Germans have probably invented one by shoving loads of words together (SuddenGriefGutPunchMemory).

Facebook or your phone camera reel puts you through this on a daily basis. You flick through looking for a picture of your dog and ooof there’s your loved one. Facebook sends you memories and sometimes they ooooof you straight away and then others sneak up on you. Look at this memory you posted about digging the allotment and then you click it and your loved one is speaking to you. ‘That was a bit oooofy,’ you think. 

It can take a little time to get over being oooofed. Do you share the memory with the world with the risk of becoming a grief-dweller, someone who’ll understand (possibly sharing the ooof), or just keep it to yourself, allowing the little ooofs to build up until you feel slightly sick. 

Wouldn’t life be so much better if we could just name it and move on? Excuse me a second, I’ve just been ooofed. I’ll be ok in a moment.