Frostbitten Penis

Aubergines killed by frost

 Made you look, 

Made you stare,

Made you lose your underwear.

The playground joke never gets old. Say something not true or outrageous and when your friend (or mortal enemy - depending on unknown factors) looks at it, you laugh at them and shout the rhyme, running away with glee at their stupidity. In other parts of the country the rhyme might be different: the barber might cut your hair, you might trip into the dragon’s lair or even eat a rotten pear but the sentiment is always the same. You’ve been fooled and we can laugh at you. 

The title of this blog might have done that. Clearly, I know nothing about frost bitten penises but it might have made you read it. 

I will read Prince Harry’s book. I always intended to and assumed that it would be just as boring as the documentary. Honestly, they really are just a boring couple who quite like each other and social media. I could get cross about all the ‘normal’ people writing books that will never get published or have such a dedicated publishing team but I’m here for any story that tries to break the archetype. 

The publishers have been absolutely brilliant with this book. I’m fairly certain that we will know all the good bits before the publication date. The good bits being those that follow the archetype: Prince who will never be king has punch up with Prince who will, wicked wives, The Graduate type sex and a frostbitten penis. The title is genius because it draws us into believing that he is trying to usurp his brother - Spare.

I, however, am here for the boring story. I like the everyday. I want to know that he prefers Cheerios to Cornflakes for breakfast. I like to hear about the routines of people’s day. You won’t feel the same. You will be disappointed. 

Nothing can live up to a frostbitten penis.

Spare yourself unless you don’t mind losing your underwear.