Cheese and Wine or Darts and Beer

 There are many things I can’t forgive this government for but demonising cheese is the worst.

The photo of staff in the Downing Street garden on the 15th of May 2020 may be the final nail in the Boris-can-no-longer-be-Prime-Minister-coffin. They may not have to release the pictures of him playing naked twister after the grouse shoot at Chequers with Lord and Lady Squaffy-Waffly after all. Thank goodness!

People have looked at the photo and remembered that if they were allowed to go into work (and work hard) they weren’t socialising after their shift. Teachers are remembering that their staff rooms were closed and hospital staff don’t remember anything but working and sleeping. Those who were working from home (in isolation) are wondering what exactly government do that couldn’t happen on Zoom. 

The picture is complicated by the fact that there’s a woman with a baby with pointed ears or a dog in her lap at a business meeting and the cheese and wine on the table. 

I like cheese. Cheese is not the enemy but we live in a polar world. Pick a side. You are a cheese and wine person or a darts and beer person. 

Once upon a time the darts and beer people loved Boris. Bizarrely, they saw him as one of them; a man of the people, beer belly, glass in hand, resisting any physical exercise that isn’t getting younger women pregnant. They’d forgotten that he is in fact a cheese and wine for breakfast kind of guy. Champagne and truffles for lunch and grouse shooting and naked Twister for tea.

There was a televised darts match from AllyPally last night. The Long Suffering Husband was watching. 

Raymond Van Barnveld stepped up to the oche. His gut straining on his Lycra sports top. The camera flashed to a young woman who the announcer introduced as his girlfriend/ manager ‘Bendy Cock’ and the crowd went wild with excitement. The Barney Army started to sing and by the final dart were in full voice.

They were so full of beer and so cross about the cheese that they were singing, “Stand up if you hate Boris!”

It got ruder than that after Mr Bendy Cock won but the message was clear. Boris Johnson’s position as Prime Minister is untenable. I predict that the cheese is the final straw.