Live blog (no editing) of 'entertainment' and voting from Eurovision 2016
Justin Trousersnake. *Women in the audience faint* How strong is his aftershave?
Sweden has had lots of hits and we only think of ABBA.
This is where the whole of Twitter implodes with people asking if they can vote for JT. He is cool. He can just move his hips a millimeter and he's dancing.
UK Twitter seems to be voting for Belgium. I think that's because it's the only one they heard while they were still sober.
I preferred the green dress.
This guide to winning is good. Oiled up drummers. Grandmothers. Violins. DJ's. Costumes. At last they've ripped off some clothes. Peace. This song is brilliant. Smile and they will vote for me. It's time for the chorus. Love love peace women baking bread. Love love piece and a burning fake piano. More tricks in a hamster wheel. And win the Eurovision Contest. ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT!!!!!!
This woman from the EBU is funny.
We, and half of Twitter want to go to Sweden. The other half are cringing and have absolutely no sense of humour.
Lines are now closed.
This group are on hoverboard. It's a good job they're not on carpet. He must be knackered. Loads of singing and presenting all night. That was a good song. No wonder it won last year. And there's the stickman, who actually won it last year.
Voting.
A new way of presenting the voting. Don't explain it. I'll fall asleep.
Austria: She's dressed as the Crysler building. 12 points to Australia
Iceland: Wriggly dog. 12 points to Netherlands.
Azerbaijan: He's creepy. Weird eyes. 12 points to Russia.
San Marino: His cap doesn't fit. We've got 8 points. We like San Marino. 12 points to Ukraine
Czech Republic: Another 4 points for UK. 12 points Sweden. She's elegant.
Ireland. Another 7. We expect that from Ireland. Belgium 12 points (the Irish were drunk too!)
Georgia: They have vampires in Georgia. Threatening the trousersnake. 12 points to Ukraine (no surprise) neighbours.
Bosnia & Herzegovina: Sorry about calling? Sarajevo calling! 12 points Ukraine
Malta: 12 points to UK. YAY!!!!!!
Spain: The fountain has a prostate problem. 12 points to Armenia. The woman dressed as the London Gherkin.
Finland: Pink bow tie and shirt. 12 points to Sweden.
Switzerland: A whistler. 12 points to Australia
Denmark: 3 point to UK. I like that dress. 12 point to Ukraine.
Our dog is singing. Will someone tell him the competition is over and he can't win.
France: In front of the Blackpool tower. 12 points to Italy.
Moldova: An Uber driver, oh Graham, you wit! 12 points to Ukraine.
If the LSH says, "1944? What's that about?" again I might resort to violence.
Armenia: Another creepy man 12 points to France.
Cyprus: Who will they give their 12 points to if they can't vote for Greece? Oh Russia, good choice.
Bulgaria: She's up high. 12 points to Armenia.
Netherlands: Haven't seen shoulder pads like that since 1988. 12 points Australia
Latvia: A badge collector making the lovely lady from Sweden feel uncomfortable. 12 points to Ukraine.
*Thrown a peanut at the LSH*
Who will Australia ask to host Eurovision for them? Will it be us?
High praise there from the Ukraine. "Quite good"
Israel: Always a bow tie. 12 points to Ukraine.
Belarus: Give that man a brownie. He's swaying. 12 points to Russia.
Germany: Power dressing. 12 points to Israel
Russia: We were looking at the dress. I think we got more points. 12 points to Armenia
Norway. Miss Piggy. 12 points to Italy. They didn't give Sweden any points
Australia: "Oh my God, they've dug her up," says the LSH. They gave us points. 12 points to Belgium: Penfold. 12 points to Australia
UK: Pointless. 12 points to Georgia. UK jury stocked by good musicians, obviously.
Croatia: Pretty lights. 12 points to Australia.
Greece: Will they give their 12 points to Cyprus? Only 8. 12 points to Russia. I'm not sure why he thinks Greece contributed most to the success of the song.
Lithuania: Another vampire in disguise. We haven't been more ready. 12 points to Australia.
Serbia: More points. 12 points to Ukraine. The peanut worked. He's stopped saying it.
FYR Macedonia: Mama Mia joke. 12 points to Ukraine.
Albania: Yay 5 points. We were looking at his house. 12 points Australia.
Estonia: More points. Will we get onto the left side of the board? 12 points to Sweden.
Ukraine: The best outfits of the night. I want to know the taxi story. 12 points to Lithuania.
Italy: Oh a bead issue. Thoroughly Modern Millie. 12 points to Spain
Poland: Pretty dress. 12 points to Ukraine.
Slovenia: Don't sing. Headphones. Ukraine 12 points
Hungary: That's a bright yellow: 12 points to Australia
Montenegro: What language is he speaking? 12 points to Malta. Really?
Sweden: Show off. Never brag a bout how much money you have in Europe. 12 points Australia.
Public vote: It could all change now. You know how the public vote. They are very surprised that the televoting has gone to plan. He's a very lachrymose man isn't he?
All of our points have been added together. I wonder if they will publish a breakdown anywhere.
Suspense.
0 Czech republic
8 points UK
16 Malta
24 Georgia
33 Croatia
34 Italy
39 Netherlands
51 Belgium
53 Cyprus
56 Hungary
63 Latvia
73 Azerbaijan
80 Serbia
96 Lithuania
109 France
120 Austria
The world hates the UK
134 Armenia
139 Sweden
180 Bulgaria
This is insane
191 Australia
That's interesting. Ukraine could win.
222 Poland
323 Ukraine
Ukraine has won. Oh, people liked that.
361 Russia
Not enough. 3rd but the public love Russia.
We love this voting system. That was so exciting.
"1944! What's that about?"
We gave our 12 points to Lithuania. What? Just proved that the British public shouldn't be allowed to vote.
Oh no. We've got to listen to it again.
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