In tune

"The band is sounding really big now," said my headteacher

A large primary school band - Northmead Public School , NSW, Australia

To most people this would sound like a compliment and it was meant as one but it caused me to slap my forehead in disgust and say, "Oh, no! I forgot to tune the violins."  I knew it didn't sound as good as it usually does but then nothing has recently.  Although, my lack of voice must be boring you as much as it is me by now, it has made me take back my previous assertions that, 'anyone can teach children to sing."  Well, I don't take it back completely but I do know that it takes someone who can sing in tune to teach children to sing in tune.  You don't need a beautiful voice, or a strong powerful belt of a voice but you do need to be able to pitch accurately and that seems to be much harder than I thought it was.  Even when I have enough voice to try to sing I am unable, just like Huge Act Man, to control my voice well enough to get accurate semitones (or sometimes even tones, 2nds, 3rds, 4ths, 5ths and octaves are completely out of my range).  This lack of accurate pitching is beginning to hurt my ears but the bonus is that a class of 30 sounds like a class of 90! (Actually, without a voice a class of 90 doesn't feel like a bonus at all)



By Friday evening, I knew that 'near enough for Jazz or MYO,' just wasn't working for me and so we did a really interesting tuning up exercise.  Each person had to tune themselves to the oboe, saying whether they were in tune, and then doing something about it if they weren't.

I explained that we always tune to the oboe because if the oboe is out of tune there's not a lot they can do about it.  They can push their reed in a little or pull it out a little but not very much.  This has led to there being almost as many jokes about oboes as there are about viola players (don't ask - it's a personality thing!).  Many oboe jokes are about their obsession with getting the right reed, for example:  How many oboists does it take to change a light bulb? Only one but they will need to try 30 or 40 before they find the right one! However, there are so many more about pitching, which really says something because oboe players are obsessional about their reeds to the point of having specially made velvet lined boxes to keep them in and a little case of water by their chairs just in case their reed needs a drink.  Sometimes oboe players can be a little 'twitchy', which I suppose is understandable if your reed is going to refuse to work mid-solo because it feels like it needs a drink.  Most jokes are a variation of, "What is the definition of a minor second? - Two oboes playing in unison."

Our brilliant oboes, however, were perfectly in tune with each other and then it was the turn of the rest of the orchestra.  Everyone was worrying if they would be able to tell but most could - easily. It turns out it's easy to hear 'out of tune' than 'in tune.' Then we got to the strings.  Now, strings, like oboes are also special.  They don't just have to make sure one note is in tune, they have to check all 4 strings.  This is quite a tricky business and is the responsibility of the the leader of the orchestra who stands up and makes sure that all his/her string players are in tune.  Even if all 4 strings are in tune the string players then need to listen to every note and the misplacement of a finger by less than a millimeter can sound terrible.  This reminds me of a wonderful viola story.  In a local orchestra rehearsal the conductor was getting really fed up with the first violins not being able to get a high F properly in tune and he said, "Can we please have the F in tune?" to which a witty viola player replied, "Can we please have the f-ing tune for a change?"

One day we will have a string section this size - vivaorch.co.uk

Going to see a live orchestra always includes this little tuning up performance.  It amazes me really, in the age of digital tuners, where most musicians will have made sure they are in tune before they leave the back room but I expect it has become part of the mystery.  When my daughter was about 5 or 6 she came to see a concert that was being given by an amateur orchestra (that I played with) and a professional pianist, who was going to play Rach.2 and Gershwin's Rhapsody in the second half.  She was sitting in the balcony with my mum, so that if she didn't really get it, they could leave without too much fuss.  After the tuning up, she started to clap the looked at my mum and said, "Wasn't that the first piece?".  The handsome young man sitting next to her laughed, leaned over and whispered, "It might be the best thing you hear all evening."  It was only when he wasn't sitting next to her in the second half that they realised that he was the soloist.