A Potato Mine Where you can see Canaries

The transfer back to Dalaman Airport has included the 'comfort break', which has required us being picked up 5 hours before our flight leaves.  The journey is filled with the voice of the rep (whose name I didn't catch) telling us how terrible Dalaman Airport is and how we can avoid the queues, in the hot airport by purchasing priority seating, while we are on the coach.  She has given us all the terrible details and told us that you can see Canaries upstairs (smoking area is upstairs - maybe I need a hearing test)

I would be interested to know what other people think of Dalaman airport but I thought it was quiet and calm, there were normal queues and although the food was overpriced it was not that much worse than any other airport, who trade on the fact that they have a captive market.

I know the rep was only doing her job but I think Thomas Cook have already had enough of my money, holidays are not cheap.  I will forgive this rep though, because she told a joke I haven't heard before, which made me laugh.

A little brown paper bag is feeling unwell, he has no energy and is struggling to get through a whole day so he goes to visit the doctor.  The doctor does a blood test and tells the little brown paper bag that he has a blood disorder. The little brown paper bag is confused and asks the doctor how he got it.  The doctor asks him if he has been travelling but the little brown paper bag has never been anyone.  The doctor asks him if he's ever been bitten by a mosquito and the little brown paper bag replies, "I'm a paper bag, a mosquito wouldn't bite me"  So the doctor says, "In that case you must have got it from your mother - she must have been a Carrier."

Olives for Breakfast, Lunch and Tea

The All Inclusive Hotel show up everyone's peculiar issues with food.  There's too much choice for most human beings.  Do you take a little bit of everything, or lots of just one thing?  The food is also available pretty much all day.  There might be an hour when there is no food available and you feel yourself start to panic.  People stuff fruit in their pockets for later, pastries in their bag to take home to their friends and as much food into their mouths as they can fit.

I've seen some very odd food combinations.  I saw someone with 6 boiled eggs on their plate for breakfast and someone else with a fried egg, a spinach leaf and 4 lemon wedges for lunch.  The skinny Russian girls have a lettuce leaf, while their scary muscle-bound boyfriends tuck into a mound of food.  The children seem to take more than they can eat.  The adults do too but they are too afraid not to eat it.  I seem to have eaten Olives at every meal.  Tomorrow, I am going to eat normally and admire the wonderful melon-art.

Trading Insults

I love the Turks.  They are so funny. They are not like the Greeks, who I also love.  The Greeks are laid back, easy going and friendly.  The Turks are all potential Alan Sugars.  They want your money and they will say anything to get it.  They remember your name, they tell you you are beautiful or whatever they think will part you from your cash. 

When you have been married for a long time there is nothing better than someone else insulting your other half.  These insults could be unintentional, where they have picked up a phrase from a twinkly-eyed tourist, hoping to have a bit of fun or they may just have the best sense of humour.  

The signs in the shops and bars say it all.  They shout; Chip Shop, Cheap as Chips, Everything Free.  There is a sign in a bar which says, "All Drinks Free Tomorrow!"  I don't expect they have to abide by the laws of a trade descriptions act.  

The Long Suffing Husband particularly enjoyed the shop we went in, where the man said, "You're wife is beautiful."  When the LSH looked confused, he looked at my face and said, "Yes, that's a face you want to slap!"  Oh, how we laughed.  My favourite moment was when we were walking past a bar and a man said to the LSH, "You have a big belly, you need beer!"

Don't Bother Turning Left

We booked our holiday on the recommendation of a friend who went to the same hotel last year. It was a good recommendation but I'm not sure about her, "Don't bother turning left,"  advice.

This evening we turned left and had the most fantastic walk. Even the travel agent rep advised against walking into Marmaris. It took us 1/2 hour to Bar Street another 10 minutes to the statue of Attaturk (cool man - I like him and will probably blog more later) and it was great.

A colleague had been to Marmaris and said to my friends, "I've been to Marmaris.  What's wrong with it?"  My friends looked at her, looked at me and said, "You're young.  I can't imagine it has anything to offer Julia." Now, I'm not just saying this to pretend to be cool and trendy and much younger than I am but I loved it.  There is nothing like a lively, buzzing town, full of real people.  As you walk along the beach, locals try to get you to come into their shops and bars, they are full of banter they want to shake your hand and are not affraid to admit that they want your money.  Old men and women shuffle along the promenade for their evening walk but more often than not the old men are sitting on corners, fingering their prayer beads, drinking strong Turkish coffee or tea and putting the world to rights while the women are running (yes literally - and in that heat) between the greengrocer, bread shop and laundarettte to get back before their husbands have finished their important discussions. The children are learning early to be entrepreneurs; a ten year old girl sits on the promenade with her guitar, absorbed in her singing, hoping that people will put some coins in her case, while 8 year old boys have taken the scales from the bathroom and offer to weigh tourists (who have gorged on the all-inclusive all-day food) for a small fee.

I would definitely recommend the walk, even if you aren't young and trendy but if walking isn't for you there are always the little blue buses (called Dolman, meaning stuffed - although we always got a seat) for just 2 Turkish Lire.  

Missing

It's inevitable that you will compare your current holiday to those you have had in the past. And so, in true 'Grumpy Old Woman on Holiday' style I will list all the things that this holiday is missing, compared to those we've had in the past.

1. The bins - I don't know what has happened. We always order a view of the bins. Someone has made a huge mistake.

2. The 20 minute walk in the sweltering heat to carry back bottles of water. Bottles of water appear in our room. 

3. Arguing about where to eat. This is our fault - we did book all inclusive.

4. Hey He-ay Baby Oh Ah. Listening to Mozart Clarinet Concerto through dinner can't be right. Haven't they read the handbook about what British Tourists like?

5. Chips. This isn't strictly true. We can have chips if we want them but we don't have to have them with every meal.

6. The rain. Shhh. Keep quiet but it looks like the forecast is 40• all week with no rain.

7. The long walk to the beach laden down with towels, lilos, books and I-pods.

8. Hearing the call, "Darren get me anovver effin beer" or "Sharon watch Princess will yer.". However there are quite a few bored. Spoilt rich teenagers saying things like, "Mother! There are plenty of tables over there. I'm sitting with Portia"

9. Dirty Pool Toilets. Again, they seem not to have got the memo but in the words of my son, "Those toilets are swanky"

10. Our daughter. Although I didn't miss having my knee gripped  in a Vulcan death grip during a rather bumpy flight and holding the sick bag it really isn't the same without her.