Missing

It's inevitable that you will compare your current holiday to those you have had in the past. And so, in true 'Grumpy Old Woman on Holiday' style I will list all the things that this holiday is missing, compared to those we've had in the past.

1. The bins - I don't know what has happened. We always order a view of the bins. Someone has made a huge mistake.

2. The 20 minute walk in the sweltering heat to carry back bottles of water. Bottles of water appear in our room. 

3. Arguing about where to eat. This is our fault - we did book all inclusive.

4. Hey He-ay Baby Oh Ah. Listening to Mozart Clarinet Concerto through dinner can't be right. Haven't they read the handbook about what British Tourists like?

5. Chips. This isn't strictly true. We can have chips if we want them but we don't have to have them with every meal.

6. The rain. Shhh. Keep quiet but it looks like the forecast is 40• all week with no rain.

7. The long walk to the beach laden down with towels, lilos, books and I-pods.

8. Hearing the call, "Darren get me anovver effin beer" or "Sharon watch Princess will yer.". However there are quite a few bored. Spoilt rich teenagers saying things like, "Mother! There are plenty of tables over there. I'm sitting with Portia"

9. Dirty Pool Toilets. Again, they seem not to have got the memo but in the words of my son, "Those toilets are swanky"

10. Our daughter. Although I didn't miss having my knee gripped  in a Vulcan death grip during a rather bumpy flight and holding the sick bag it really isn't the same without her.