Where Water Falls From the Sky

It has been a lovely holiday and I couldn't recomend the hotel and it's cheerful, helpful staff more highly but I'm ready to go home now.

A local just asked me how I was and when I replied that I was hot he said, "Don't worry you will soon be back in the place where water falls from the sky and you eat only vegetables," patting his somach.

Which Came First?

It wouldn't be a holiday without a palm tree or two.  Looking up from your book to a clear blue sky punctuated by the mop-topped trees.

I can't help wondering which came first in this hotel, though.  There are some amazing bits of palm-related engineering here and I will let the pictures speak for themselves.

Olives for Breakfast, Lunch and Tea

The All Inclusive Hotel show up everyone's peculiar issues with food.  There's too much choice for most human beings.  Do you take a little bit of everything, or lots of just one thing?  The food is also available pretty much all day.  There might be an hour when there is no food available and you feel yourself start to panic.  People stuff fruit in their pockets for later, pastries in their bag to take home to their friends and as much food into their mouths as they can fit.

I've seen some very odd food combinations.  I saw someone with 6 boiled eggs on their plate for breakfast and someone else with a fried egg, a spinach leaf and 4 lemon wedges for lunch.  The skinny Russian girls have a lettuce leaf, while their scary muscle-bound boyfriends tuck into a mound of food.  The children seem to take more than they can eat.  The adults do too but they are too afraid not to eat it.  I seem to have eaten Olives at every meal.  Tomorrow, I am going to eat normally and admire the wonderful melon-art.

Rebel Without A Vest

It's 41 degrees, sweat is pouring off me and I'm sitting around in my underwear (bikini), only moving to dunk myself in the pool or the sea, turn a page of my book or take a swig of my drink.  This hotel, however, is filled with men (who surprisingly don't smell terrible) who are fully clothed, running around, filling glasses, sweeping up rubbish, taking towels to the laundry, cleaning tables, picking rubbish off the beach, standing in the full blaze of the sun to keep the riff-raff out.  They all have their own uniforms.  The towel men wear green and purple.  The security guards wear black trousers and white shirts with epaulets, making them look like policemen and really should be given an umbrella to stand under.  The men who pick the litter off the beach have T-shirts, emblazoned with 'Beach Boy' on the back.  I keep waiting for the Beach Boys to burst into the chorus of Good Vibrations, but they never do.  The staff in the restaurants all wear white and it is here that I first notice they all wear vests and now I can't stop looking and they are all wearing vests.  How do they do that?

Then I spot him, the cheeky chappie with the enormous grin.  The one rebel without a vest.

Missing

It's inevitable that you will compare your current holiday to those you have had in the past. And so, in true 'Grumpy Old Woman on Holiday' style I will list all the things that this holiday is missing, compared to those we've had in the past.

1. The bins - I don't know what has happened. We always order a view of the bins. Someone has made a huge mistake.

2. The 20 minute walk in the sweltering heat to carry back bottles of water. Bottles of water appear in our room. 

3. Arguing about where to eat. This is our fault - we did book all inclusive.

4. Hey He-ay Baby Oh Ah. Listening to Mozart Clarinet Concerto through dinner can't be right. Haven't they read the handbook about what British Tourists like?

5. Chips. This isn't strictly true. We can have chips if we want them but we don't have to have them with every meal.

6. The rain. Shhh. Keep quiet but it looks like the forecast is 40• all week with no rain.

7. The long walk to the beach laden down with towels, lilos, books and I-pods.

8. Hearing the call, "Darren get me anovver effin beer" or "Sharon watch Princess will yer.". However there are quite a few bored. Spoilt rich teenagers saying things like, "Mother! There are plenty of tables over there. I'm sitting with Portia"

9. Dirty Pool Toilets. Again, they seem not to have got the memo but in the words of my son, "Those toilets are swanky"

10. Our daughter. Although I didn't miss having my knee gripped  in a Vulcan death grip during a rather bumpy flight and holding the sick bag it really isn't the same without her.