Time bender

 Shush. Don’t tell anyone. It’s a secret. I don’t really want anyone to know but I’ll tell you if you promise to keep it to yourself.

*whispers* I have a sneaking admiration for Boris Johnson.

You see, most of us, mere mortals find that time works against us. There’s never enough of it, or it’s in the wrong place. I seem to have hours and hours of unproductive time when normal people are asleep and I’m not Margret Thatcher so I just lie there, staring at the ceiling pondering life’s unanswerable questions like, ‘if space is a vacuum, what holds it in?’ Most of us find that time is unpredictable but always against us. 

Boris Johnson, however, has that unnatural ability of being able to make time work in his favour, so that when we see a picture of him at one of the ‘wine-time-Friday’ events that the blurred faces were fined for, we’ve forgotten exactly what life was like then. Journalists are left shouting outside Downing Street like deranged banshees. Boris smiles and tells us to move on and because time has worked in his favour and against the rest of us, that’s what we really want to do. There’s nothing to see here. Move on. 

We know it was wrong, that he set the laws and didn’t follow them himself but, well, time.

There was a conspiracy theory on 2016 Twitter that Boris was actually a time travelling transvestite. I suppose that would explain everything.

I’m feeling particularly end of termish today. It’s our wedding anniversary and I would quite like time to stop for a bit. Do you think the Prime Minister would lend me his superpower, just for one day? It would be the perfect anniversary gift. The Long Suffering Husband and I could use the ability to shape time, although I expect we would just waste it, staring at the telly.