2. Give them instruments.
3. Make them sing every day.
4. Start a band (and in the words of Bryan Adams, "try real hard")
5. Let the children show the others what they can do all the time.
6. Tell them they are brilliant. All the time. Even when they are not.
7. Sing a bit more.
8. Spend a year counting to 4. Repeatedly.
9. Expect them to get better. Be disappointed if they don't and wildly, stupidly, over the top enthusiastic when they do.
10. Smile and laugh, often.
11. Sing a bit more.
12. Become a member of SingUp
13. Sing more.
14. Get the school diary and book the hall between 5 and 7 one evening, in Summer when you know it will be hot, sweaty and uncomfortable.
15. Offer a letter to all children inviting them to take part. (Yes, I mean all children. You never know who might have spent a year playing in secret)
16. Talk to anyone who replies and find out what they are going to play. Don't turn anyone away.
17. Be brave.
18. Sing together for courage.
19. Expect a lot from the children.
20. Be supportive. Repeat step 9.
21. Spend a whole day with pieces of paper around you, juggling all the solos, duets, 12 person flute groups, band and choir pieces into some kind of order that makes sense. Making sure that you have the child who has to go to Brownies on first and the child whose parent can't get back from work until 6 later in the programme. Put the Key Stage One children on in the first half so that they can go home in the interval if they want.
22. Send a letter home to all soloists, choir, band, flute group and Ukulele club members, asking how many audience seats they'd like.
23. Put children who are scared on the programme and tell them that you believe in them.
24. Have a practise of how to go onto stage and most importantly take applause. Bowing is a life skill!
25. Check CDs and technical equipment (although one of these will go wrong)
26. Send children home to have some tea and change into their best
outfits.
26. Tidy the hall
27. Put hundreds of chairs out (expect a big audience)
27. Check technical equipment and CDs four times.
28. Practise the piano (while no one is there to hear the swearing). This step might not be necessary if you can actually play the piano.
29. Go to photocopy the programmes and find that the wonderful people in the office have done it for you.
30. Change into your concert dress, heels and wear red lipstick. I think this is important step and shouldn't be restricted to one gender.
31. Let people in, no earlier than 25 minutes before five. Those plastic chairs can get very hard and sweaty if you sit on them for too long.
32. Panic that you have forgotten to ask the PTA to run refreshments.
33. Relax when you realise that you didn't forget and they have a large selection of ice pops in the freezer.
34. Take a photo of every child. Make them feel special.
35. Remind everyone that they are going to be brilliant.
36. Bribe some nearly grown up children that you used to work with (chocolate usually works) to come and help move stands, work CDs (and if you are really lucky conduct the band)
37. Let the headteacher talk for a bit (it is their school after all)
38. Start with a song.
39. Watch with complete pride and admiration for every child that stands up and performs.
40. Allow re-starts.
41. Cheer wildly after each performance.
42. Make the Chinese piece by Tu-Ning joke. Everyone expects it.
43. Try not to tell the rude joke about the French Horn player on a date while your helpers get the stage ready between each act.
44. Remember that you are asking the children to be increasingly brave and nerves can come in many forms. Be kind.
45. Allow them to use their own stand, not stand on the stage, perform with their back to the audience - whatever it takes to get them up there and showing off their talent.
46. Remind the audience how brave the children are.
47. Be disappointed when the CD sticks (it will) but try again. If it happens again turn it off, encourage the children to keep singing and wait for the biggest round of applause.
48. Remember there is nothing wrong with Hells Bells by AC/DC on the electric guitar, even if you are in a Church of England School.
49. Have tissues ready. There will be tears (for all kinds of reasons) and possibly the odd nosebleed. Stress, nerves and heat can make bodies so funny things.
50. Make sure you have some sparkly hats. They will inspire a performance that will remind you how much fun making music can be.
51. Make sure your second half is shorter than the first.
52. Make the audience sing, wave flags and pretend they have just witnessed the last night of the proms.
53. Try not to hide under the piano if the headteacher says nice things and gives you flowers. Practise the breathing exercises that you taught the children and allow them to tell you off because you didn't take the applause and bow politely.
Simple.
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