I do not like thee

I do not like thee Dr Fell;

The reason why I cannot tell;

But this I know and know full well;

I do not like thee Dr Fell.

This was one of my favourite rhymes from my Mother Goose book of Nursery rhymes as a child. It interested me. How could you not know why you didn't like someone?

The picture in the book was of a doctor with top hat and black bag brandishing a needle. It was the illustrator's way of explaining the author's dislike. But what if Dr Fell didn't spend his days vaccinating children? What if he had a PhD in Chemistry or Latin?

I've mostly been that annoying person that likes everyone; even the people that everyone else moans about. When people annoy me I try not to dislike them.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not really pally, huggy or kissy with everyone: I keep my distance and you might never know that I like you but I do. 

Except for one person. 

There is someone that everyone loves. They are pant-wettingly enthusiastic about this person. He is the best thing to happen, seems really nice, so friendly, they are so glad he's here. I want to like him too. I want to be like everyone else but I'm not. 

I just have to look at him and the hairs on the back of my neck rise and I can feel myself, like a dog, baring my teeth. Before he is even near me I ready myself for a fight. Whenever he speaks I find myself rolling my eyes and adding witty rejoinders in my head to the end of all of his sentences. When he shakes my hand, he is perfectly friendly, smiling and positive yet I want to reach for the hand sanitiser. I even found myself thinking, "Oh yeah, seems really nice but I bet he beats his wife."

I honestly don't know why I am the only person on the planet to have such an extreme reaction or why he appears to be the only person I've ever met who I feel like this about but I don't think I like it.  

Luckily, he will never know because of my perfect coolness towards all people. Even the Long Suffering Husband can't tell how I really feel about him!

This poor man is my Dr Fell. 

The real Dr Fell wasn't even a doctor with a PhD. He was the Dean of Christ College and the person who didn't like him was Tom Brown (I wonder if this poem was the inspiration for TomBrown's  schooldays?). In 1680 John Fell decided to give Tom one last chance before expelling him, letting him stay if he could translate the following Latin passage:

Non amo te, Sabidi, nec possum dicere quare;

Hoc tantum possum dicere, non amo te.

It translates as, 'I do not like you Sabidi, I don't know why but I don't like you.'

I expect the Dean was chuckling to himself when he set the punishment; a way of telling the boy how he really felt. The joke somewhat backfired when Tom became a famous satirist and published his reworking of the text that has lasted in people's consciousness for 336 years and counting.