'Tis the season to be Jolly

'Tis the season to be jolly.  I'd love to believe the author of this carol and join in with festive merriment but as they couldn't think of any more words and resorted to, "fa la la la la la la la la," they clearly don't know what they are talking about.  So you will excuse me if I continue to be a miserable old grump.  My pupils have recently been pointing out that Christmas Carols have terrible lyrics.  There seem to be so many where they couldn't think of any more words.  As my choir have been writing their own Christmas words to Frere Jacques they think that this is quite frankly, "pathetic."

They have learnt the word melisma.  This is where you sing two notes (or more to one word) and Christmas Carols are full of them.  Think of Ding Dong Merrily on High.  That has the stupidest melisma I have ever come across.  In one breath you have to sing 33 notes to the word Gloria and by the time you get to the second verse they have completely run out of words.  That's the only possible explanation I can think of for the lyric, "And i o  i o  i o," where some of the letters have 2 notes.

Singing Christmas Carols, making Christmas cakes and going Christmas shopping with the Long Suffering Husband have all failed to make me feel jolly for the festive season.  In fact the shopping just added to my grumpiness, especially when an over-enthusiastic Tigger-like boy was trying to explain why I should buy a particular present for my son.

In an attempt to get jolly it's time to crack out the silly cracker jokes.  These are the the jokes I've collected so far.

How do you make gold soup?
Put 9 carrots in.

Why are brides unlucky?
Because the never marry the best man

What do dogs and trees have in common?
Bark

Why did the golfer wear an extra pair of trousers?
In case he got a hole in one!

What do snowmen eat for lunch?
Icebergers

How do snowmen get around?
The ride on an icicle

What do you get if you cross a snowman and a shark?
Frostbite.


I'm sure someone once said that three groans makes a laugh.  They have certainly made me grown