The Great Hecatomb of Piggies

 This little piggy went to market

This little piggy stayed at home

This little piggy had roast beef

This little piggy had none

And this little piggy went wee wee wee all the way to the hecatomb.

I watched a lot of TV this weekend. Everything was bizarrely funny and has left me doubting my sanity.

The wrong person went on Strictly but that always happens at the beginning to a woman with a dance that requires her not to smile. We don’t like it. Women must smile at all times, even when they are being thrown around like a cape. Especially when they are being thrown around like a cape.

 I watched the news and wondered how we’d got to a situation where the police are advising women to resist arrest by their officers just in case another one is a murderer or rapist.

Then I watched Marr and saw the Prime Minister get angry because he doesn’t actually know what he’s doing. I know it’s bad but I really quite enjoyed it. I love learning new words and the Prime Minister is good for that.

When politics shows feature the prime minister talking like that it becomes very difficult to know what is parody anymore.  It’s the lack of a hetacombe that is about to cause the pigs in blanket shortage that threatens to ruin Christmas but it’s alright because the Prine Minisiter can obfuscate with a few classical references and tickle our toes and we are happy. He promised to save Christmas, so it will be fine. I mean look at last year. He promised that Christmas would go ahead as normal and everyone bought huge turkeys … Oh well!

What he actually said was,
“If I may say so, you know, um, what, the great hecatomb of pigs
that you talk of has not happened yet.”

Even the subtitlers gave up. Journalists were frantically googling hecatomb to find that it was a public slaughter of one hundred oxen and were even more confused. 

Finally, I watched Diana the Musical. Twice!

I loved it. Not quite sure if it was parody or bad it seemed to reflect life as I had watched on the news. The clunky rhyming appealed, too. ‘It’s the thriller in Manilla betwixt Diana and Camilla’ and ‘There’s him, there’s her tonight I defer to him to her’ are two of my favourites but when a half naked James Hewitt rises out of the stage on a mechanical bull to be introduced by Barbara Cartland before Diana sings ‘who knew a commissioned lad could give me more than I’ve ever had,’ I decided this was the best thing I’ve ever seen. So I watched again and was blown away by the costume changes and the song, ‘Revenge looks best in a FU dress.’

With that many changes I’m surprised she didn’t end up in one scene looking like the prime minister - dressed in shorts, a business shirt and leather brogues for the pre party conference run.

The world is weird right now. I really can’t decide if it’s parody or just bad.