Dear Liz Truss

 Dear Liz Truss,

I don’t want to complain or make a fuss

But your Twitter announcement 

Seems unjust.

I was going to write a poem and then I remembered that I'm useless at poetry and don't have the time to sit and agonise over every word.

It's the Long Suffering Husband's birthday and Liz Truss has spoilt it.

There I was scrolling through Twitter, waiting for him to wake up, so I could give him presents he wouldn't like (This year it was a blue polo shirt that was a bit too bright) and she posted on Twitter 

"Delighted we have appointed cricket legend @BeefyBotham as our new trade envoy to Australia 🇦🇺 🇬🇧 

Ian will bat for 🇬🇧 business Down Under and help them seize the opportunities created by our historic trade deal.

He'll to a brilliant job 👇 ."

I checked.  It wasn't a parody account.

I was laughing about it when the LSH woke up.  I managed a 'Happy Birthday' through my chuckles but this is probably not how you want your partner to greet you on the morning of your special day.  I had to confess why I was laughing.

"He's ancient," said the LSH, "He was old when I was a kid and now, well, you know how old I am today?!"

I wasn't sure he was that old, in the grand scheme of elected, or even unelected, officials.  He's probably a baby in the House of Lords.  

"It's not that," I said, "It's just that wasn't he known for being..." I paused, struggling for the right word. "Well....lazy?"

I then fell into a rabbit hole of watching Beefy and Lamby adverts.  I don't know if you remember them but they were cartoon versions of Ian Botham and South African, Alan Lamb talking about meat.  I'm not quite sure why. We thought it was an Oxo advert but apparently it was a quality trade mark, so maybe this is what has made him supremely qualified.  British Beef versus New Zealand Lamb.

The adverts always contained questionable double entendres and sexual references that were supposed to go over the heads of children but obviously didn't because I clearly remembered the one with the streaker being chased off the cricket pitch by a policeman, while Beefy and Lamby continued to eat their meat, which covered the 'meat' of the streaker.  The end line was something about 'two veg'.  As a child, this was not lost on me.  The one where he rubbed an onion on his crotch, or bent over to show his quality mark label on his bum and the joke about the box are all indelibly marked on my memory.  

So, thank you, Liz Truss, for spoiling the LSH's birthday morning with your expert trolling of the internet. I'm sure much will be said about this appointment  but we all know it's just smoke and mirrors. How much more New Zealand lamb can we eat? Oh, wait. It’s Australia not New Zealand. Kangaroo steak anyone?