Will the upstanding member….

 “You know what you women are like?”

This is something the Long Suffering Husband says every time we pass a man with his top off.

It came from something he overheard someone say on a Zoom meeting during lockdown that made him laugh. It had been a complete surprise to him that women found it hard to control themselves around men with their shirts off but as I pointed out a man wouldn’t be expected to concentrate if he passed a bare chested woman.

Angela Rayner’s knees have been having a similar effect on the Prime Minister, with the Daily Mail reporting that his appalling performance at the dispatch box is her fault for crossing and uncrossing her legs like Sharon Stone in basic instinct. They tried to imply that she was using her secret feminine power because she hadn’t been to Oxford to learn about ‘mass debating in public’.

Everyone got cross and said it was misogynistic and it was reported that 56 MPs are currently being investigated for sexual misconduct. No one seemed surprised.

We have reached the black dwarf phase of this government. We all know it’s a dead star but it could take a few billion years for it to finally disappear. They are having meetings to try to come up with new ideas but they’ve already used all the good ones, so we are getting suggestions like unstaffed nursery schools and removing barriers from sharp bends to save money. 

They are out of control, like year 6 children at the end of the year who think they can do what they like, raising a surly’what you gonna do bout it’ eyebrow. There’s nothing they can’t do. There are no consequences. Or none that they care about.

When they realised how badly briefing the Mail on Sunday about Boris’ leg fetish went down they tried to call the journalist in to answer questions. The journalist refused because it’s a slippery slope to allow governments to tell the press off when they’ve only written what they e been told. Then the Daily Mail printed a very weird headline.

I’m not sure what a night Angela Rayner is but because she joked that she could put Boris off by showing him her knees then the whole article was fine and really does nothing to damage the reputation of the Prime Minister. 

I was t going to write about any of this because it’s all too depressing but today we heard that a front bench conservative MP has been watching porn on his phone at work. That’s taking the public mass debate too far. It’s televised!

We don’t know which upstanding member it is because unlike any other job it doesn’t seem to be a ‘clear your desk immediately’ kind of sacking offence.