“What? Out there? With people. Germs. Omicron. Christmas.”
“Yes, Christmas. It’s ok. We’ve saved Christmas for you. You can be kissed by all those extended family members you only see once a year and have an argument about Brexit.”
“Do I have to?”
“You should be grateful. We’ve saved Christmas.”
“But is it safe?”
“Don’t be silly. Nothing’s safe. You should know that.”
“Right. I do. So, I’ve got to go out there?”
“I think so.”
“Right. So what are the rules again?”
“There are no rules.”
“I’m sure there are.”
“Well, yes but they don’t have to apply to you. You’re not one of the people who will get arrested.”
“Really?”
“I think so. You’re not poor or from an ethnic minority. You’ll be fine.”
“I’m not an MP.”
“No, you are right, that would be the ultimate protection.”
“Against Omicron?”
“No, against being prosecuted. No one is safe from Omicron. Get boosted.”
“Do you mean, get a booster vaccine?”
“Get boosted.”
“Has it been tweaked to deal with the new variant?”
“No but it can be. Get boosted.”
“I do have to wait 28 days after infection, though, right?”
“Get boosted.”
“You said that. Are you sure you know what you are doing?”
“Don’t break the golden rule.”
“You said there are no rules. Couldn’t I just stay here and watch Strictly on loop?”
“Just follow plan B”
“Plan B? So everything up until now was plan A?”
“It’s simple. Get out there but don’t get out there. It’s Christmas. It’s all perfectly clear..”
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