Nuance

 I know I’ve written about nuance before. It’s getting tedious now. Old ranting woman, repeating herself over and over. Last time I wrote about it was in the post-Christmas cheese fest, when people were angry because home schooling was about to become a thing again. There had been a programme on the radio about the death of nuance and I couldn’t stop thinking about the word, repeating it over and over until it didn’t sound real at all.

Today, the thing that has prompted the title is the Great Women vs Men war of 2021, prompted by the death of Sarah Everard. 

I might be the only one thinking this (because my brain works too fast) but it’s enough now. Let her rest in peace. Let her family grieve, as best they can. Stop hi-jacking it for your own entertainment. 

The Long Suffering Husband and I are over our disagreement that I wrote about yesterday and although I regret not being able to discuss the situation at the time and discover we were mostly in agreement I do not regret calling him out on his sweeping generalisation of feminists.

There is nothing that, as my son would say, ‘butters my giblets’ more than sweeping generalisations. I hate it when the nuance and therefore truth and complexity of a situation is lost. 

There is a conversation to be had about toxic masculinity, which hurts all of society. There’s a conversation to be had about the criminal justice system (particularly it’s woeful underfunding, which can lead to a delay of years before a sexual assault or domestic violence case is brought before the court). There’s a conversation to be had about proportionate policing at peaceful demonstrations. There’s a conversation to be had about the politicising of the police force so they are ordered to protect statues and lock up the people Priti Patel has made it clear she finds dreadful. There’s a conversation to be had about lazy journalism and the proper use of grammar. There’s a conversation to be had about useful fear and paralysing fear and how we negotiate the world that contains dangers.

Once you forget that in any situation, or organisation there are individuals then you’ve lost the nuance. As soon as you lump together all men, all feminists, all politicians, all the press, all teachers, all police then the nuance and truth is lost.

Groupthink can become a problem but it’s rare. Groupthink is where mistakes are made because a group of individuals stop thinking for themselves and act as one hive mind. They stop challenging each other, they stop recognising the faults and they back each other up regardless. This hasn’t happened with men. They are not all agreeing with each other on this. It hasn’t happened with feminists, or the police, or the press. There is not some Machiavellian overlord controlling the thoughts and feeling of every person in these groups and some of the individuals in them will make mistakes. Mistakes make us human. 

It’s time to take a breath and calm down. Due to the pandemic and its restrictions we have been forced to live in a state of heightened fear. There is unused adrenaline rushing around our bodies. Let’s all go for a run, do some yoga or eat chocolate, rather than use that fear to fight each other.

A nice calming sunset to calm everyone down. Breathe!