A few days ago I wrote about feeling OLD (Overwhelmed at Leaving Daughter) and with that, the stress of the new ways of working and two Borises in a row I’d developed a stonking headache and was beginning to feel like I wasn’t coping.
I tried all the usual things. I had a bath, watched some TV, read a book, did some yoga breathing, ate chocolate. I went for a walk and listened to birdsong. None of it was working. I still felt stressed and dicombumbulated. I had a ball of anxiety that was moving around like mercury and I wasn’t sure why or what do do with it.
I thought I’d try the cleaning tactic. If I got everything clean and organised I might feel slightly more in control. I started in my study. I went in and shut the door. Now, my parents always joked that when I was growing up if they wanted me to clean my bedroom they would tell me to do flute practice but if it was practising that needed to be done then they would ask me to tidy my room. It turns out that I’m no different as an adult.
I worked my way through all the scales, some daily exercises, Bach and Handel sonatas, the cadenza of Mozart concerto, some flirty French music and finished with some Jazz. A couple of hours later my shoulders were stiff and the dents in the thumb and first finger of my left hand were red raw but I felt better. I could breathe properly again.
It made me wonder what normal people do. How do you cope with that kind of nebulous anxiety if you don’t have something to blow?
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