Obviously, I know that there are traditions about what convention dictates you should wear, which vary from country to country and change over time but in the last few weeks I have been asked (sometimes by strangers) what they should wear on Friday. My answer is always, "clothes," but I think they want me to be more specific.
In England it all started with the Romans, who would wear dark togas to express their grief. This continued with most people wearing dark colours as a mark of respect until the Victorians came along and made their rules. In Spain, they wore white. At the end of the Victorian period mourning clothes were a family's outward sign of their grief. The rules were outlined in household manuals.Women had it hard they had to wear black for a specified length of time , avoid satin, lace or embroidery and wear dresses or hats trimmed with crepe - a hard scratchy material. Men were let off much more lightly and would wear their usual suit with black gloves, hatbands and cravats. Children were not expected to wear mourning clothes. Widows were expected to wear full mourning for two years and half mourning for another two. It was a year for parents grandparents and siblings and four weeks for cousins.
I can see why people want to kick back against all those rules. I've been to funerals where we were told to wear bright clothes, something red or butterflies. Friday is red nose day, so maybe we should insist on red noses.
However, none of us have any particular desire to tell people what to wear.
It's difficult enough without a particular thing being imposed. I wanted to wear black. I wear black all the time, so I should have just been able to open my wardrobe but all my dresses looked tired, like me. Several trips out and I have found a dress that looks nice and I will wear again. In Miss Selfridge I got quite excited because I thought I'd found the perfect dress: a dress with pockets. Unfortunately, it had a split to the thigh, which somehow didn't seem like appropriate funeral attire. The Long Suffering Husband has used the funeral as an excuse to get a new suit. He has a brown one, which would have been fine but it was a bit snug and he really hankered after a blue suit. The lady in the shop wasn't too pushy but she was friendly. She told him that he looked very nice in it, "Are you going somewhere nice, wedding, party?" she asked.
"Funeral," I whispered, not intentionally (it happens when you lose your voice)
"Pardon?" (That's what they all say)
The LSH told her and her brows knitted together.
"Oh? Blue? For a funeral? That's. I mean. That's. Well, I wouldn't have asked. Normally it's black or charcoal grey. Are you sure, you're allowed to wear blue?"
We assured her it would be fine.
"Have you asked?" She was clearly very concerned about the LSH making a huge social mistake.
"Asked who?" I wondered.
"The relatives." She was certain that we should have checked the dress code.
"Oh," I said
"Darling," the LSH questioned, "Do you think it would be alright if I wore a blue suit to your Dad's funeral?"
I assured him that it would.
The lady briefly stepped back but recovered her composure quickly.
"That's why you've lost your voice," she said, "It'll be the stress."
One of the conversations I'd had with Dad in the last week had been about dress code. The Youth Orchestra had agreed to do a concert for the Mayor, who was more particular about what the audience should wear than the quality of the music they were to listen to. He had made quite a big deal out of it and had made comments like, "I know how you ladies like to dress up." Dad thought this was all quite funny. He asked me to post two pictures on out committee chat page, which is what he thought we should wear.
I'm not sure it's how he'd interpret a funeral dress code but who knows?
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