What if?

From the moment you find out you are expecting a child you worry.  Will they have all their fingers and toes? Will they cry all night?  Will they have ginger hair?

You delude yourself that you have some control over what will happen.  You watch other parents and think, "I'm never going to be like that!"  Self-righteousness becomes your middle name.

A normal sleep pattern is never your right ever again.  During pregnancy they kick and wake you, in infant-hood they need feeding and changing, as toddlers they just wake up to squeeze in between you and your husband trying to make sure they remain an only or the youngest child.  When they go to school they sleep, exhaustedly through the night but you have forgotten how.  You lie awake worrying; do they have friends, are they making their 2 levels progress (ha), are their teachers being mean to them.  They take exams and you worry.  They walk to the post box for the first time you worry.  They go into town with their friends you worry.  They get on the wrong bus home you worry. They learn to drive and you worry.  They go out and get drunk and you worry.

What no one tells you is that you worry after.  It is when they are home and safe that you lie awake at night and think.  What if they had failed that exam?  What if they had taken the wrong turning to the post box?  What if their friends had left them in town on their own?  What if they hadn't rung you for a lift when they realised the bus wasn't going to bring them home?  What if they forgot everything they've proved they can do whilst driving?  What if they hadn't got home safely?

Sue Perkins posted this picture on Twitter yesterday, saying she wished she worked there.

She can't be a parent, otherwise she would know that she already works there, that it is a very stressful job and the pay is appalling!