Someone else to slap

 I’m not sure what is happening to me in my old age. Rarely an advocate of violence I have recently had a strong urge to slap people.

Today, my intended victim is Gillian Keegan - Education Secretary. 

When discussing the crumbling schools problem, caused by a freeze on school building funding since ‘austerity’ started, which might have been fine if schools built in the 1970s weren’t built of chocolate aero bars, she complained that no one ever said, “You know what, you’ve done a fucking good job. No one ever says that, do they?”

There’s a reason for that.

However, she has done a great job of making me want to slap her.

This time, she’s ordered an enquiry. Fucking good job Gillian. 

I mean it wasn’t her fault that her department couldn’t get the calculations right, It’s not her fault that it was announced before it was checked. It’s not her fault that maths wasn’t compulsory to 18 for her staff. But she has ordered an enquiry.

Great job. And as she will be keen to point out the total amount going to schools is the same. £59.6 billion  isn’t to be sniffed at. 

It’s an easy mistake to make. Those of us who count children for a living know; they’re slippery little things, moving around, giving you a heart attack thinking you’ve lost one. It’s so easy to under count the number of pupils in schools and really 0.62% extra children is a tiny error. Let’s not mention that there are over 10 million children. 

“Schools haven’t got the money yet, so what’s the problem?” Gillian thinks. “Surely schools don’t plan how to use the money they’ll get in April in September? This changes nothing. The teachers pay award is still fully funded. The total amount given to all schools (59.6b) is an increase of 3.2%, so that fully funds the pay increase of 6.5%. There is no arguing with that.”

Amazing job Gilly.

The uncounted children will mean that each pupil will have £50 less spent on them, the percentage increase in funding per child is only 1.9% (when inflation is 6.6%). 

“No problem. Just don’t eat the glue sticks. Oh, you already stopped that? Never mind. You don’t need all those staff do you?”

SLAP 

What a fucking job you’ve done Gill.