Talkin' 'bout a Generation

Generation is a concept that has always confused me.  People born between certain dates are meant to share certain characteristics but no one ever seems very certain when those dates begin and end.  Generation in general terms, seems to be quite a new concept, starting with the Baby Boomers (people who were teenagers in the 60s), like the Who, forever singing about their generation and thinking they were special.  Before that generation was just something used to describe sections of the family tree, as in grandmothers are a different generation to mothers who are a different generation to daughters. Now, this is where it gets confusing because my Aunt and I are in different generations on our family tree but probably in the same 'Generation'.

My Generation is called Generation X and our characteristics are supposed to be that we are highly educated, balanced, happy and family orientated.  We are a generation that fights corruption,embraces social diversity and champions human rights and volunteers more than any other generation.  We are the MTV generation, who likes music videos. We sound quite nice, don't we?  Generation Y, don't come off quite so well.  They are a selfish 'me' generation, who are competitive and unable to stand on their own two feet.  They are known as the Peter Pan generation, with 'helicopter parents' (those do-gooding Generation X-ers who couldn't leave them to grow up on their own.)

I was alerted to this new generation by a post on Facebook called "The 20 Things You Need to Let Go to be Happy" on Elite Daily (the Voice of Generation Y).  The article was posted by young people who made comments like, "What a good article!" and "So true!"

Suddenly, I realised that I am in a different generation.  The article wanted me to give up some of my favourite things to be happy.  I questioned my own happiness and decided that I was really happy (a Generation X trait), so I thought I would re-write the article, as advice from an old Generation X-er to a young Generation Y-er.

1.Approval of Others - The article says, "who gives a s**t what others think?".  The truth is that you do.  It is also a fact that as you get older you will care less but when people do approve of you it makes you happy.  Don't give up something that could make you happy.  When the Long Suffering Husband says, "You look beautiful in that dress," I smile and when our school got an award for doing something well I beamed.

2. Anger - Not being angry won't make you any happier.  It might be nicer for those around you but their happiness isn't your problem.  I like being angry.  It tells me when something is wrong and it gives me the opportunity to change it.  Without anger I'd be a push-over and being a doormat isn't going to make you happy.  Having a good rant is one of life's major pleasures, you will miss it if you give it up.

3.  Negative Body Image - I agree with this, what you look like shouldn't have the power to change your mood.  You should love your body now, especially as by the time you get to be my age there will be less to love - it will have sagged, wrinkled and generally let you down in more ways than you care to mention.

4.  The Idea of a Perfect Partner - Well, just try telling the LSH he isn't perfect!

5. The Perfect Life -  I refuse to give up my perfect life.  It will not make me happy to do so. I suggest you try to believe that your life is perfect too and if it isn't then change it.  Life's too short to put up with bad things.

6. You are Going to be  Rich - If you want to be rich, don't give up the dream.  I am rich and I'm not giving that up.  I have enough money to feed, clothe and put a roof over the head of my family.  I can buy as many books as I like.  Money is a good motivator.  The thought that one day the LSH will have enough money to buy a Porche gets him out of bed in the morning.  He's be less happy if he stayed in bed all the time.

7. The Idea that One Day Good Fortune will Arrive on your Doorstep. - I've lived a lot longer than you Generation Y-ers and sometimes it does.  Hope makes you happy.  Don't give up on hope.

8. Excuses - The article says, "make no time for excuses."  How sad.  I love excuses.  Excuses are fun.  I keep a book of excuses because they make me laugh.  "I couldn't practise my flute this week because I fell asleep on the sofa biting my lip and got a big ulcer."

9. Thoughts of Your Ex  - I suppose it depends who your ex is and what those thoughts are.  I can imagine for some people thoughts of their ex being torn apart by flesh eating zombies would make them very happy.  

10 . Stubbornness  - What a horrible thing to give up.  If you give up your stubbornness then you will have to admit to being wrong and who can be happy knowing that they are wrong?  I stubbornly refuse to stop being stubborn.

11.  Procrastination - This is my absolute favourite thing in the whole world.  It is my major skill.  I am chief procrastinator of the United Kingdom and I am happy.  Without procrastination I would never write this blog, clean the oven or have any random thoughts.

12. Your baggage - Always keep your baggage.  You never know when that old overnight bag will come in handy.

  I wish I'd kept my old carpet bag and besides your emotional baggage makes you who you are and stops you making the same mistakes.

13. Negativity - I'm quite a positive person but life is about balance.  Everyone needs a bit of negativity.  The pleasure you get when you finally do something you thought you couldn't makes the success even sweeter.

14. Judgemental Thoughts - Ok so we all know this is bad but it is so much fun.  Discussing how you would never let your children do that, or how you would never wear a thong with see-through leggings with your friends makes you happy and you know it.

15. Jealousy  - Without jealousy how would you know what you want?  If you look at Facebook and are jealous of the friend who posts pictures of a fluffy white kitten and you think, "happiness isn't about having what you want but wanting what you have," and you don't have a pet then you will never get a pet of your own and then you will be less happy.  Pets, partners, children are good things to be jealous of, they will make you happier.  I am, however, trying not to be jealous of women with smooth shiny brown hair as I know it wouldn't suit me.

16. Insecurity - If you feel insecure it might just be telling you something.  The most insecure woman I knew found out that her husband had been having an affair for the past 20 years and there were some really dodgy things that he was into.  She's happier now he's gone.

17. Depending on Others for Happiness -  Other people can make you happy and why shouldn't they?  The article says, "at the end of the day the only person you can count on 100% is you."  That's so sad.  I count on everyone around me.  The dog, my family, my friends, my pupils, my colleagues all make me happy.  I hope I make them happy too.

18. The Past - The older you get the more you will enjoy your past.  There is nothing that will make you happier than remembering the day your first child was born, or the day your friend joined the school or the bedtime stories your parents read to you.

19.  The Need for Control - I'm not giving my control to anyone else.  I will let the LSH have the television remote but my lists make me happy.  Who doesn't love a list?

20. Expectations -   Expect great things for your life.  I have and I've had a great life and I expect it will just get better and better.

My advice for Generation Y is that you don't have to give up anything to be happy, except the things that don't make you happy, like guilt and reading articles about what you should do to make your life better.

Massacre of the Innocents

Today is the 4th day of Christmas.  The day when your true love gives you some blackbirds (Colly means coal coloured) and if you believe the myth about the song being some kind of warped aide-memoir for hiding Catholics you remember that this represents the four gospels of the bible. Colly is a northern word and so by the beginning of the 1900s it had already been changed from it's original publication in Mirth without Mischief (1780) to canary birds, coloured birds, curly birds and calling birds.  This is also supposedly the day that Herod had baby boys in Bethlehem murdered, hence the day also being known as the Massacre of the Innocents.  In Spanish speaking countries this is an April fools kind of day, where it is expected that people will play jokes on each other.

Personally, I think it is a very appropriately named day.  The 4th or 5th continuous day spent with your loved ones, listening to their opinions on stuff, watching programmes on the TV that you wouldn't consider (like football) can make a person a little irritable.  Add to that falling asleep on the sofa in funny positions and waking with a crick in the neck, eating enough cheese to cause you to turn into a mouse and trying (unsuccessfully to exchange ill-fitting Christmas presents) causes that irritability to turn into a simmering, festering bowl of resentment and fury.

Innocent phrases like, "What for dinner?", "Have you got a moment?", "Have you seen my socks?" and "Muuuuuuum!" suddenly feel like they have been designed for your torment.

I appear to be holding a knife.

It must be the day.

The Third Day

Every year we sing the 12 Days of Christmas and I wonder what it's all about. They are very strange gifts and over time the order changes between versions. 

The Church celebrates the birth of Christ on the 25th of December and Epiphany (the day when the Wise Men finally arrived) on the 6th January. There are 12 days between these two dates. Christians also have several saints' feast days in this period too.

Some people have argued that the song was invented to help Catholics, for whom being Catholic was illegal, remember important things without writing them down. The partridge in the pear tree was supposed to represent Jesus and it was all about the gifts God (the true love) gave to the people. The two turtle doves were the Old and New Testaments and three French Hens were the three virtues; faith, hope and love. What the virtues have to do with French Hens is something that even I, with my vivid imagination can't begin to understand. Also, I'm not sure how a song sung only at Christmas could help children learn the important tennants of the Catholic faith.

 Today is the third day. The day when the gift was French Hens. It is also the feast of St John, who sounds like a bit of a lush to me. Today is the day when lots of people in England go back to work after a few days and nights of indulgence and if ever there was a day to call upon the spirit of a known alcoholic this would be it. St John is famous for drinking poisoned wine and it not affecting him and whenever he was asked to give a speech he just slurred, "My dear children love one another!"

I suspect I have just earned my place in Hell for my blasphemy but I just can't help thinking these thing. Hell looks warmer anyway.

There will be no boxing this year

Today is the second day of Christmas, the feast of St Stephen or Boxing Day.  These days, Christmas starts so early that it's hard to think of Christmas day as only being the first day. I like to think of our family day in London as the first day of Christmas, which, as it all happened so quickly this year was the 24th.

Even though it was on the wrong day, our day in London was perfect. I have found that when you mention the words 'day tickets' people in theatre box offices become even more lovely. Even when they only have two left and you want four they say, "As it's Christmas I can give you 4 seats in the stalls at £25 each rather than £75," and then they look up things like whether Winter Wonderland is open to save you having a wasted trip. We saw The Duck House with Ben Miller, which was a proper laugh-out-loud farce. I was worried that my son would struggle with it, as there were many topical news references but he laughed as much as the rest of us. We had brunch at Bills; walked to Oxford Street; looked at the Selfridges  windows and food hall; went to Trafalgar Square to look at the tree, where my son made us all laugh by asking, "Why is there a giant cock on the pillar?" We ended the evening with a walk around Winter Wonderland (a bit too loud and flashy for me) and dinner at Garfunkel's.

Big blue cock on the 4th Plinth

The real first day of Christmas crept up so suddenly that I'm glad Santa was organised because I certainly wasn't.  I  forgot to buy cinnamon sticks, giving the LSH a who day of hilarity.  On Christmas morning I also realised that although I'd bought an oasis and some silver sprayed leaves for the table centre piece I hadn't made it and I didn't have any flowers to go in it. It's quite amazing what you can do with a pair of scissors on an early morning dog walk.

Centrepiece of stolen foliage

The LSH buys the most beautiful Christmas presents and always makes me feel a bit inadequate but I think he was happy this year and if he wasn't at least he had the cinnamon sticks to laugh about. Everyone in our house got, 'just what they always wanted,' even the dog, who was the most excited of all of us.

Beautiful girl cclothes

So now we are at the official second day of Christmas, or the Feast of St Stephen, when you are meant to eat pizza (deep pan crisp and even! Cracker jokes never grow old).  St Stephen was the first martyr, who was stoned to death, while praying for his executors.  The church likens Stephen to Christ is ways I can't quite understand, hence placing his day next to Christmas to show his importance.  I like to think that the fact that St Stephen is patron saint of headaches is no co-incidence either.

St Stephen with a headache

When I was a child I used to wonder why today was known as Boxing Day.  I wanted to believe it had something to do with fighting.  Being the day to visit extended family, or the day when resentments about Christmas presents received or not received surface and so  there was always the chance of a punch up.  My sister and I nearly always had a little tussle as the parents slept off their third bottle of wine in front of the Sound of Music.  I also used to think it was the day when you crushed all the boxes that your presents came in.  After all, who had room for boxes in their box-room bedroom?  My parents told me the truth, that it was the day when servants, workmen and the poor received their Christmas 'box' - a sum of money, a Christmas bonus or a share of the Christmas Day church collection.  I knew about the Christmas box because my Nan always used to sniffily check that my mum had given the milkman, dustman and window cleaner theirs (although they didn't get it on Boxing Day because that was a holiday for everyone in the 70s).

Eating leftovers in a onesie

This year, there has been no boxing in this house.  Instead we have been feasting, watching films, wearing onesies and playing games.  There was a spot of pencil throwing during one of the games but it didn't amount to much.  However,  the lack of a good fight hasn't spoilt the day.

The Government should do something about this

It was a bit windy.  The rains stopped running.  Trees fell on power lines.  Wheelie bins fell over.  People got  cross.
"It's nearly Christmas for God's sake!"
"This is ridiculous,  I can't do my Christmas shopping!"
"It's about time the Government did something about it!"

Now, I'm a believer in democracy and I think having a government is a good thing.  A large body of people with a common goal to make life better in a country mostly works.  They can usually get quite a lot of things done but the last time I checked, they didn't have powers to control the weather.

Moaning about the weather is a very British thing to do, which is odd because although we do get quite a lot of weather, it's not very extreme.  A wind that blows over a wheelie bin is a 'storm'.  I don't think the people of Antigua or the Dominican Republic would be very impressed with our storms.  I think we need to be careful what we wish for, though.  I don't want the government to control the weather.  A little bit of variety is good.  The possibilities of government control of the weather feel like the beginning of a science fiction novel, with a bio-dome, where some great power can decide to let us have sunshine or rain, whenever they want.  Scary.

It reminds me of the Highlander Film, where the government had a shield installed and people could live forever.  I know I've told you all before but I think it's worth repeating:  I don't want to live forever - I'm quite tired already.

If the government controlled the weather then cool, unexpected things like the explosion of the snow globe in Piccadilly Circus, yesterday couldn't have happened.  I wish I had been there.

http://www.itv.com/news/london/update/2013-12-23/snow-globe-in-piccadilly-circus-bursts-due-to-weather/

Return of the Prodigal

Many parents are collecting their children from their first term at University, full of excitement at getting their baby back. This initial joy could quite quickly be replaced by a whole host of other emotions, such as sadness, irritation, guilt and many more. 

This time last year I was one of those parents. This year I'm wiser and more prepared but some things have still surprised both of us. 

So if you are a parent whose 'favourite' child has returned or a student who was looking forward to re-entering the bosom of your family then here are some things you might have forgotten.

1. The house is much louder, chaotic and fuller with one more person in it.

2. Normal life has continued  during term time and everyone has been busy with their own lives. This doesn't stop when the prodigal returns and so they can feel bored, ignored and disgruntled and everyone else can't understand why their lives have become a little bit more complicated.

3. The person returning to the house has grown up. They have their own ways of doing things. They might cut potatoes for mash smaller than you would, stack the washing up wrong or put milk in their tea first instead of last.

4. The people who stayed at home didn't change very much. They haven't learnt that milk doesn't go in tea last. They haven't turned into the parents their friends have told them about, who magically conjure up food, provide clean washing and wash up after them.

5. There is more washing and ironing and it doesn't do itself.

6. Universities run on a different time zone, so nobody should be surprised when the house is noisy, light and busy at 6am or when there is still one person pacing the floor at 2am, wondering when the 'prinks' are going to start.

7. There will be new words in the house. The person bringing them in should exercise patience and understanding with those who simply don't understand what is meant by this new northern/southern/slang language. Rolling eyes out loud will be a regular feature from everyone in the house.

8. The heating will be on. The house will feel warm to the student but normal for those who haven't been away. Students should just enjoy this brief period of warmth without getting too used to it.

9. Problem sharing goes both ways. Parents will moan to the student about their colleagues and other family members and students will moan about their flat mates and other family members. This is normal. You've just forgotten.

10. You can't turn back time. That perfect Christmas with the wide-eyed three year old who wet him/herself with excitement on seeing Santa and parents who run themselves ragged to make sure Christmas is special has gone forever.

When remembering these things, though, it is also worth remembering that being together at Christmas is just perfect and you wouldn't change that for a second.

What's Next

Our world is too fast. There's no time to stop and enjoy anything.

I often say to the musicians at school that there's no rest for the talented and I always feel a bit guilty giving them a new piece to learn for a solo, straight after they've finished an exam or a whole new set of songs to learn for a church service straight after a concert. Wouldn't it be nice sometimes to just sit back and bask in the glory of the last triumph before moving onto the next?

That's not how our world works any more. As soon as you achieve something there is always someone waiting to set the next target. Goal setting is meant to be very good for our mental health. It's meant to be good for us to know where we are aiming. As teachers we give children, not only goals but each individual step they need to take to get there. We believe that this is what children need to be successful. I worry, though, that if the success isn't given time to sink in then everything can feel like failure.

               

If you read my last blog then you will know that it's been a whirlwind of a week for me. Someone recognised that something I do is successful and forced me to celebrate that. It wasn't a goal I was set or an award I worked for but merely a recognition. It's not something that I particularly need to (or have time to) bask in as I have several concerts and performances coming up (9 before Christmas) that are going to take my attention. However, I am increasingly feeling a pressure to set the next goal. People ask me, "What's next then?"or "where can you go from here?" They say, "Well, it will look good on your CV," which worries me because you only need a CV if you have to get a new job and I was really hoping to stay in this one, as I quite like it.

The Long Suffering Husband dreads his annual appraisal at work because his own goal is to carry on doing his job as well as he can until he can retire and apparently you are not allowed to write that on the form. I don't understand this attitude. Our society needs people who are happy in their work, who are happy to do the job they do to the best of their ability. We need road sweepers who like sweeping, nurses who want to nurse rather than diagnose or perform surgery and teachers who want to teach rather than manage.

So my next goal is going to be to continue to enjoy doing what I'm doing and to carry on doing it well. I'm going to carry on being flexible, not setting rigid goals but instead taking the opportunities that present themselves. Although, I'm sure there will be a target set on my annual appraisal that I may just ignore, like I did last year's. Whoops! I probably shouldn't have confessed to not achieving my targets from my last appraisal. Take that glass trophy back at once!