Curmudgeonly Passion

At the weekend, I went to a food fair with a friend. We had a great day: The sun shined, we stuffed our faces with free samples and met loads of passionate people.

I'm always fascinated by people who are so passionate about something that they turn it into a business. We met jam preservers, sausage butchers, people who flavoured alcohol and cheese makers (blessed are the cheese makers). We met a lady who was selling the most beautiful aprons in the world. She made her first one on a leather sewing course. Who knew that such things existed. I wanted to ask her what other people on the course had made but held back for fear of being told tales of people who had read 50 Shades of Grey and couldn't find what they wanted in a shop.

The cookery demonstration was by John Whaite who had been on Bake Off. He was very entertaining: camp, Northern, a little rude and funny. He was wearing one of the aprons and had clearly had similar thoughts about leather as me, as he tweeted about bondage in the kitchen.

His demonstration included a coconut flan thing with a base made from marshmallows, with a look that he called curmudgeonly. I liked that description, as I am the embodiment of curmudgeonly at the moment.

At the end of the demonstration we bought his book and got him to sign it. I confessed that I was a bit of a cookbook collector and probably didn't have room for it on the cookbook bookcase. He looked at me with his twinkly eyes, a moment of recognition passing between us, as he said that he was exactly the same. I imagined him taking his favourite, maybe a Mrs Beeton or the new Nopi book off the shelf, flicking through the pages, giving it a quick sniff and stroking it before placing it carefully back in position. (Everyone does that with their favourite books, right?)
"Oh, she's terrible," my friend said, "She can't even watch Bake Off without making a cake first."
I thought that was normal.
"I was exactly the same," he said, "You should enter."
I blushed and instantly felt stupid. "Fifty years old and blushing when a gay young man sort-of pays you a compliment," I chastised myself.
I know that I'm not Bake Off material. I'm too slow, not neat enough and have a face for radio.
I explained that my baking was too curmudgeonly.

Seriously though, I just couldn't imagine entering something like Bake Off. It would just gobble up all of your time. I like doing lots of things. I love food and music and knitting and reading and writing and yoga and walking and swimming breast stroke with my head out of the water and digging my allotment but if I was properly passionate about any of them then I wouldn't be able to do all of them.

It's just lucky that I'm curmudgeonly passionate.

Back to "Reality"

After a holiday, jet lagged and tired, real life doesn't seem as real as it should.

Back with a decent internet connection, I've finally been able to watch all those Ice Bucket Challenges on Facebook and make up my own mind about what I think about them.  I've also caught up with GBBO, which seems to have become a 'reality' TV programme, rather than a show about cake.

I was sad to see Ian, the Grey Gables chef from the Archers leave the programme.  I thought he was a dark horse, had some great ideas and the comments on his food were always about great taste.  I quite admired his passion: throw it in the bin and have a strop rather than present something than doesn't meet his own personal standards.  However, I am not happy with the way Diana has been pilloried, or that way it has been discussed on Newsnight.  Get a grip - it's cake - not politics.

After I wrote about why I wouldn't be doing the 'no make-up selfie challenge' you might be surprised that I feel differently about the ice bucket challenge,  which just goes to show what a fickle and inconsistent human being I am. I didn't like the no make up thing because it seemed to be about shaming women and I wasn't that convinced that the charity that it was linked to needed a greater public profile or more funds. The ice bucket is open to everyone and does have a point - freezing your brain gives you a small sensation of what motor neurone disease may be like. If people don't want to do it that's fine. If people don't want to donate to the charity that's also fine but it has raised awareness of Motor Neurone Disease, which, as it only affects a small percentage of the population is seriously underfunded. We can all agree that any illness that leaves you with a working mind, locked in a useless body must be so frustrating.

Also, I have really enjoyed looking at people's gardens.

So, I did it and it seems to be an excellent cure for jet lag.

All Good Things Must Come to an End

I'm feeling very sad today.  Yesterday I baked a stale cake.  Yes, honestely, it tastes stale.  I don't know how I did it.  Maybe too much flour, maybe I didn't beat the butter enough, maybe the eggs weren't as fresh as they could be (although cake never really works with very fresh eggs), or maybe the oven was at the wrong temperature.  It probably looks OK but it tastes stale.  This isn't the first baking disaster I've had recently and I am beginning to worry that my cake making skills have deserted (pun intended) me for a younger more energetic model.   This thought coincides with the fact that the Great British Bake Off is coming to an end.

The sensible part of my brain has told me not to worry, that like my baking skills the Bake Off will be back but there is a deep sense of foreboding nagging away.

We are told that this is the most popular series EVER (Sorry Michael Gove I would fail my SPAG test and I don't care - capitals are good for emphasis) and that series 5 will be on BBC1.  I've been worrying for some of this series about what it's becomming. It used to be an amateur baking competition.  I used to watch and be inspired to try making something.  I watched last week's canapes thinking, "Oh for goodness sake just open a packet of crisps!" And don't get me started on that horrible jelly brain thing.  The criticism that the contestents have to face has become something else as well and that will only get worse on BBC1.  What amateur baker would put themselves up for that kind of abuse?

This morning a top celebrity chef tweeted about the Bake Off, seemingly criticising  the winner.  I was hoping that he was just guessing (although it didn't sound like it) and then the person angrily responded also implying that she was the winner.  With so much attention on the programme it is hardly surprising that leaks like this happen.

The only way this series can survive is if they find a way of letting us taste the baking.

I'm sure that would have saved Ruby from much of the online abuse she has suffered.  People I know don't like Ruby.  I pointed her out as the annoying young one who quotes philosphy after the first episode.  She is, however, favourite to win and so she appeals to lots of people.  The online suggestion that Paul Hollywood fancies her has to be rubbish.  I've never seen any evidence of that in his body language. We see a lot of flirtatious body language from her but he seems perfectly able to resist. He feels a bit sorry for her and is a bit protective towards her, like he would a daughter and he enjoys eating her baking.  Maybe if we could taste it, then those of us who find her annoying would fancy her in the same way.  The way the series is edited doesn't help her either.  She is pretty.  She has an elfin boy look that the media loves and the camera is always showing us close ups of her biting or licking her lips, or looking coyly out from under her eyebrows.  We never see shots of Frances licking her lips and it can't be that she doesn't (it's a baking competition) but I don't suppose she looks so pretty when she does it. If I'm honest  I don't want Ruby to win.  You see, I can't identify with her.  She is too new for me.  It's like she's just been born onto the programme.  "Whoops look at me, who knew I could bake?" I think it's that attitude that people find annoying.  Maybe she is amazingly talented but no one believes that she isn't practising until 2am every night and if she isn't then there is nothing that we can learn from her.  Would I buy a book by Ruby?  Probably not and that's quite sad because her ambition is to be a food writer.

Kimberley, hasn't attracted much attention at all.  She doesn't get much camera time but I have always thought she was a dark horse.  Quietly and competently working away, producing good looking baking.  I would like to bake some things that she bakes although I am slightly put off because I don't think I have her skill.  I would like Kimberley to win.

Frances has been accused of being style over substance and for TV that suits us just fine.  We want to see pretty cakes and good ideas.  I would buy a book that Frances had written without hesitation.  It would be full of great ideas that I could try and have fun doing it.  Her matchbox cheese straws were an inspiration and she could win just for that as far as I'm concerned but what if her food tastes really horrible?  You see we need to be able to taste this programme.  It's just not fair that we can't.

Frances Quinn has a blog - I will read that until she writes a book

Maybe my love affair with this programme is over?  Maybe I will never be able to bake a good tasting cake again?  Maybe someone will always spoil the end? Maybe it won't be as good on BBC1?  Maybe my cookbook shelf will collapse with all the books I have to buy after each series?  Maybe I'm worrying too much?

When life gives you rhubarb and sprouts

Having an allotment makes you want to eat everything you grow.  The time and effort of digging, weeding, mulching, composting makes you appreciate every plant that reaches a point where you can eat it.

This is my favourite time of year on the allotment.  It's all about promise, planning and planting.  There is no thought of failure.  Every year I plant a row of peas and every year they are a huge disappointment.  This year will be different.  I've tried planting them in a drainpipe (as suggested in the Delia Smith book) but they were almost impossible to transfer into the ground,

Last year one of the old boys told me that the mice were probably eating the seeds and that I needed to ignore the packet and sow the seeds thickly.

That worked really well.  The peas germinated but then the birds pecked that seedlings to death before the seedlings were barely poking their heads through.  This year I've put sticks in the ground to protect the peas from the pecking pests.  When they grow a bit bigger I will protect them with net.

My seeds have been ordered, my potatoes are chitting and the onion sets are sitting on my kitchen table waiting to be planted. 

But the food coming off the allotment is a bit scarce.  The carrots and parsnips have now all gone.  The leeks are still a bit small.  But I have plenty of Brussel sprouts and the rhubarb has just got to point where it can be cut.

Going out for dinner with a carrier bag containing a stalk of sprouts seems a little strange but they don't freeze well and have to be shared.

When life gives you sprouts you should give away as many as possible but when life gives you rhubarb it's time to bake.  The Great British Bake Off cookbook had a recipe for a baked rhubarb and ginger cheesecake.  

I don't remember the episode in which it featured but I'm sure it couldn't have been quite that ugly.  Still, it tasted fine.

Chocolate cake and gadgets

The excitement that was enjoyed by the men in my life when the Screwfix Direct Catalogue plopped on the mat was something I struggled to understand until Lakeland Plastics made a version for women and then I became as excited by a gadget as any man I know.  Cake tin liners, chocolate éclair tins, cake storage boxes, Pineapple slicers,  specialist icing nozzles, things to make cleaning the oven or the teapot easy have all left me flushed with excitement at one time or another. This year for Christmas I had two gadgets that until yesterday had stayed in their packets.  Not using them for nearly 20 days has mainly been because all I have eaten is left over cheese and Christmas cake.  In fact, I can't remember the last time I cooked anything.

Yesterday we needed chocolate cake.  There is nothing in life that can't be made to feel just a little bit better with a slice of good chocolate cake.  Especially a layered chocolate cake sandwiched together with sickly chocolate butter icing.

I have always wondered why layered cakes in magazines or on GBBO don't look like the Leaning Tower of Pisa.  My cakes rise unevenly - they are never completely flat (something to do with oven temperature no doubt) and so when sandwiched together they wobble.  My first gadget solves this problem.

It slices the top off the cake and makes all the layers the same size.  The wire wasn't quite as sharp as I was hoping for but it did work and left a new cooks perk (almost as good as licking the bowl)

When the cake was put together it was a chance to use the best gadget EVER EVER EVER.  The cake lifter as seen on the Great British Bake Off. It meant that I didn't get icing all over my fingers or have the cake sag in the middle.

The finished cake tastes the same as ever but probably looks better than any layered cake I've ever made.

Is it wrong that I've had a slice for breakfast, lunch and will probably have slice for tea?