TEA

 Yesterday, as I was walking to school, I looked up from my book and saw a dwarf on a bike. I was reading a novel set in a Victorian freak show.

“Oh,” I said to myself, “that’s odd.”

When Roald Dhal wrote about having good thoughts that shine out of your face, making you look lovely, he might have been onto something.

It’s almost like the universe listens and gives you what you want.

My mum always warned about that. A lady in our street collected for Multiple Sclerosis every year and my mum asked her why she did it.

“Oh, no reason,” she replied, “I’ve just got some time spare and I like walking and talking to people.”

“But why this charity?” Mum persisted, “Have you got a relative?”

“No. It just seemed like a good one.”

I remember this doorstep conversation because I wrote it in one of my notebooks. It interested me in ways I didn’t understand.

Then, several years later we saw her in a motorised wheelchair. 

“MS?” my mum asked.

“Yes. It’s odd isn’t it? All those years raising…”

Her voice trailed off.

I remember being shocked. My mum didn’t seem surprised.

“That’s how it works. Nanny always thought she’d get breast cancer and then she did.”

“Maybe she knew?” I suggested

Mum didn’t look convinced. She obviously thought the woman had brought it on herself.

“Always spread your charity donations out,” she warned.

When I did counsellor training our tutor said, “Always look where someone has their tea. That’ll tell you everything you need to know about them.”

We were puzzled but didn’t say anything for a while because he called people ‘hooman beans’. Eventually we worked out that tea he was referring to wasn’t served in a China teacup but was, in fact, an acronym. Time. Energy. Attention.

 We’ve had a pandemic, so our TEA has been switched to viruses. It’s funny how Monkey Pox, Polio and Cholera have made an appearance. During lockdown people compared the situation to a war, so a war we cared about started. These two things triggered an unusual kind of inflation and people talked of a cost of living crisis. The more people thought about being poor the worse it got. Even people who have money thought about how not to spend it (sack the nanny, cut wages by 10%, make the slaves work harder for less). If we carry on like this, none of us will be able to afford tea.

It’s all quite worrying. It strikes at the heart of Britishness.

May I suggest you turn your attention to nicer things. It’s the only way out. Think only good thoughts and they will shine out of your face making you look lovely.