Before anyone accuses me of being biased let me nail my colours to the mast. I didn’t want to be asked, I thought the question was beyond my pay grade. If being politically aligned to the EU was bad for our country then it was up to politicians to work out why and how we could get out of it before they asked us. They didn’t. I think asking us to votes was like the following conversation:
A: Would you like a unicorn?
B: Sure, but aren’t they fictional? How are you going to give me unicorn?
A: Oh, don’t worry about that, just tell me.
B: No, I don’t want a unicorn, they probably smell.
C: Oh no, I’d like one because they do rainbow farts that smell of sweets.
D: I’d like a unicorn too.
A: Ok. So most of you want a Unicorn?
C&D: Yes. Give us our unicorn. You said we could have one.
B: I said I didn’t want one. Why won’t you listen to me?
A: The best I can do is a horse with an ice cream cone on its head.
C: What? You promised me a unicorn.
A: But you didn’t really know what a unicorn was.
D: I did. I know what I wanted. It’s farts had to smell of pear drops.
A: I can do a small horse with diabetes.
C: He wanted pear drops but I wanted sherbet lemons. Give me my unicorn.
Now that I’ve put it like that I’ve changed my mind. I’d quite like a unicorn.
I have no idea whether the EU is good or bad for the country, although I probably think it mostly is, for most people.
Boris Johnson returned from Brussels with a deal. People say it’s a bit worse than the last deal. I haven’t read this one. In fact, even the government ministers haven’t read it yet. They’ve had no time to work out if it is good or not but because Hilary Benn brought an act of Parliament that said if a deal wasn’t agreed by today’s date the Prime Minister had to request an extension to stop a no-deal Brexit happening, which is thought by nearly every MP to be disaster for the country, they had to vote on it today. A significant vote on a Saturday meant that we could all watch, or listen, live. People went to stand outside Parliament. It was a lot of pressure.
MPs don’t normally have to go in on a Saturday and lots of them looked tired and a bit pissed off. Some seemed to be playing candy crush and others chatted while other people were speaking. They used long words and bluffed and flustered for hours.
Oliver Letwin, MP for West Dorset, thought that being made to vote on something he hadn’t read was crazy and so he suggested that MPs should vote on an amendment that a short extension should be requested so that the deal could be properly considered. This seemed quite sensible to me but when we read the papers tomorrow, I’m sure that will make me an enemy of the people. 322 agreed and 306 didn’t. This means they couldn’t vote on the deal today and the Prime minister is legally obliged to write to the EU to ask for an extension.
Whatever you think of Mr Johnson, that’s got to hurt. He’s spent all his time saying that he’ll get Brexit done. As I listened to the radio I was feeling quite sorry for him. Then he stood up, stamped his foot and said, “Won’t! Can’t make me! So there!” and blew an enormous raspberry. It was quite extraordinary. It was so extraordinary that the normally very professional presenter said, “ Holy Guacamole!”
I’ve changed my mind. I don’t want a unicorn anymore. No one told me avocado was an option.
I know everyone is going to get upset about this but I suspect it’s not as big a deal as everyone makes out. It probably wouldn’t have passed anyway. They’d have had to have tried three times. It still might go through on the third time as more MPs come around to the idea, or it won’t. Not that any of this matters because however we leave it will be a mess for years. Traditionally, divorce never goes smoothly for couples who can’t even agree on which solicitor to use. This is just the beginning of the process and that has taken three years, three prime ministers, lots of shouting and the resignation of David Dimpledknees from QuestionTime. I just hope everyone can calm down a bit.
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