Talking about Death

It's wrong to say we don't talk about death.  The things we think society doesn't discuss are actually talked about much more often than we care to admit.  Every novel is about death, every TV programme about murder, every song about relationships ending and every Woman's Hour episode about the menopause. Yet, when we come to face these things; for real; with no metaphors; in our every day lives; we think no one has spoken about them.  In truth, we just haven't listened.  But these discussions are pimped and pouffed and made to seem interesting. They don't follow real time and they gloss over some of the difficult bits.  We don't then, read these metaphors of difficult things and consider how they might relate to our own death, break up or menopause.  If you are planning your break up while in a healthy relationship or considering your menopause in your twenties then you might become quite depressed.  Only thinking about death every day until you die could leave little room in your brain for nice things. 

However, once you get into the situation where you have to think about death it can be very difficult to have real and honest conversations about it. As a society, we haven't really come to terms with the fact that we all die.  When you take art out of the equation death is talked about as something that can be defeated.  If only you fight hard enough.  Just this week the news reported that all school children are going to be taught how to do cardiac massage because then no one will die.  TV programmes set in hospitals always stop at the point someone's life has been saved.  You never follow them to see whether it might have been better for them to die.  You never consider their constant pain or mental anguish or their difficulties with work or applying for universal credit.

The truth is that medicine hasn't found a way of stopping the body wearing out.  When we say that we are living longer we are talking statistics not fact.  We haven't actually lengthened the time a body can last.  When I was a teenager I remember being told that the oldest living person had just died at the age of 120 (making everybody rush to eat Sushi because they were Japanese) but nearly forty years later the oldest living person is 117.  Living  along time in a body that is wearing out might not be a blessing.  A 111 year old man in Poland is reported to have asked, "How long can this go on for?" every day of the last month of his life. 

We used to know this.  Influenza was termed the old man's friend because it was a swift and relatively painless way to die.  Now, we vaccinate all elderly people against this and complain that there isn't enough money for care. 

I can tell that you are bristling now.  "What is she suggesting?"  The very thought that we allow people to die is horrific.  We are so caught up in the idea that we can cure death we can't entertain the idea of facing it.

All I'm suggesting is that we take a little time to think about it.  Being honest about the fact that you can't live forever, understanding what happens as your body breaks down and making informed decisions about what you are prepared to live with can only be good for our society. 

That's enough for today. Although I warn you, there will be more next time.