Because I'm Old

On Friday, a 4 year old looked at me, puzzling over something I had said and announced very seriously, "Well, yes, that's because you're old."

She wasn't being rude but simply stating a fact.  It became a bit of a joke in the staffroom.

"I can't remember what I came in for."

"That's because you're old."

"What does that say? I can't read it with these glasses."

"That's because you're old."

The teasing was affectionate and humorous.  

Age for me is quite like Schrodinger's cat.  I'm simultaneously old and not grown up.  My mind is about seven and my  knees feel their full years.  I have grown up children and I'm still a child to my own parents. I teach but I'm always learning.  I'm interested in politics and can fall into fits of giggles when someone tells a silly simple joke.  

This week a friend was tweeting from a conference and I had to restrain myself from replying in a childish way.  The tweet said, "Human Rights isn't black and white but shades of grey." It was a quote. Realising that I probably shouldn't reply publicly I sent her a private message, "50 Shades. Conference sounds interesting." 

"Don't make me laugh," she replied, sending me a picture of a very important looking panel in Geneva that she was sitting on.

Like a small child, I thought, "I've got a friend who is a proper grown up."

Then later in the week she died.  Well, she didn't actually die.  Someone with the same name died in tragic circumstances, which made the news but it was a shock nonetheless and I felt old because young people don't die (except that the person who did die with the same name was young)

My daughter moved in with her boyfriend this weekend.  The Long Suffering Husband  and I drove up to help. It was a shock. Our baby was all grown up and being excited about doing things her boring parents are expert at: a Saturday night film and pizza and a Sunday trip to Ikea followed by a Sunday roast and homemade crumble. Just as we are beginning to get bored of these things they start to excite her.  We felt old and young at the same time.  During the week one of her friends had a baby and she sent me a picture wondering if it felt weird that once she was my baby and now she's a fully grown adult. I told her I found it strange that she's a fully grown adult yet I'm not.

I gave my daughter a fluffy key ring as a housewarming gift.  It seems a little mean as it was a Superdrug freebie but it seemed so appropriate, as it had sparked the initial, "because you're old," comment.

I had put my keys on my desk and the little girl spotted it as she came into the room.  She picked it up and stroked it like a favourite pet. 

"You have to be careful.  Some are dangerous," she warned.

The adults in the room looked at each other.  I picked up my key ring to check for teeth.

"It came from Superdrug."

"Yes, that's where the dangerous ones are but maybe it's just some types of them."

"They only had pink or white."

"Some of them go off and make a sound and the police come and take you away."

She was looking at my key ring suspiciously, edging away in a sideways movement.

"I think I'll be alright," I reassured her, "I'm pretty good. I don't do many naughty things so the police probably wouldn't take me away."

That was when she told me that it was because I was old.

Even her fear of my key ring made me feel old and childish at the same time.  Childish because I hoped it was a terrifying creature that would make a noise like a siren causing the police to arrive demanding an explanation but old because I knew that the coveted key ring had caused her wonderful mother to tell her about shoplifting.