Just Singing

X-Factor has started and I find myself in a permenantly irritated state. 

1. It means it's the end of Summer, will soon be Christmas and I'm not ready to start looking at Christmas Carols yet.

2. It is difficult not to be irritated about the extraordinary levels of patronisation. We know these people have been auditioned. We know that the panel has instructions on whether to be laugh at the vocalist or be shocked at how good they are. We know that because there's nothing in between, except for Ollie Murrs friend.

3. X-factor is the only programme that makes me regret not drinking alcohol. It would be so much more bearable if you played a drinking game with a shot for every cliche. "What I like about you is that you just don't know how good you are." Shot! "You really made that your own." Shot! "Brave song choice. It's not easy to sing Whitney." Shot! "I didn't like it. I loved it." Hic! It suddenly becomes a programme you can watch without wanting to kill someone.

4. Once the 'auditions' are over there will be several ways of proving that these singers, who we know are good from their first performances, can't actually sing after all. The backing track could be too loud, the sound production will be terrible because it's ITV, they might make them sing a song in an inappropriate key or 'battle' with another singer. They will pump strep bacteria into the dressing rooms and be surprised that singing with a sore throat doesn't sound as 

good. 

5. Everyone will have an opinion, as if they could do so much better themselves. I've heard lots of people sing and most aren't even good enough to be in the 'laughed at' category (including me)

6. X-factor helps to promote the belief that you are born a singer or not. I am actually going to throw something at the TV the next time someone says, "I started singing last year." They didn't! They have been training their voice all their life and last year they decided to sing in front of people.

7. X-factor makes my job harder. 

But none of this matters because it's just singing. Singing isn't important. Most schools have ditched hymn practice and singing hymns in assembly. Primary schools with music teachers, who teach children how to sing with good technique are rarer than hen's teeth. You know it won't matter, though, because these multi-million pound industries will survive with people who never opened their mouth in song until the day before they auditioned. Even in the school where I work (as a hen's tooth), which values singing, the time we are able to do it has been squeezed into lunchtimes and after school clubs. When discussing our brilliant class assemblies teachers can be heard to say, "Every child does something. Even if it is only to stand up and sing a couple of songs." I blame X-factor as I fight back the temptation to shout, "ONLY?"

Get a grip woman. Breathe. It's only singing.