Persecution of the Nazis

There is a serious crime wave at the allotments.  Every time I go, one someone regales me with the latest tragedy, "My shed was broken into, again."

The thieves take strimmers, lawnmowers, tools, kettles, Calor gas heaters ("What am I going to do without my cup of tea?") and seeds.  Most people think the larcenists are from the flats and are trying to make money from their stuff.  They laugh,  "Well, they won't get much for that old thing, it was probably only worth scrap,"  and then they say, more seriously,  "I don't know, it's not right is it?  They're all living on benefits you know.  If only they got off their backsides and got themselves a job they wouldn't have to pilfer my stuff.  I worked all my life, paid my taxes and this is the thanks I get for keeping them in fags."

I don't have a shed.  I leave my tools out and the only things that have ever been stolen from my plot are some gooseberries but that could have been birds.  Maybe they take a look at my plot and see the wiggly lines, weeds, gone to seed broccoli and decide that my tools will only produce bad workmanship.  However, I was talking to a lovely, quietly spoken man today, who has a shed, grows things in straight lines, wins prizes and he has never had anything stolen either.  I'm beginning to think that this crime wave is personal.  Someone is persecuting the Nazis.

Allotment Nazis are a very strange breed.  You can spot them instantly from their loud booming, boorish voices.  When they have finished the work they have decided to do they take a walk around the whole site, inspecting, tutting and offering unsolicited advice.  Sometimes they take notes, so that they can tell Jackie or Susan or whoever at the council that and plot 32b has weeds.  They are usually men but often let the little woman trail behind them agreeing with their every word. They particularly enjoy suggesting that a woman with an allotment could do with a man to help her.  The Long Suffering Husband was asked at the weekend by one, if he had just taken over the plot and when he explained that he was just using a power tool for me (he likes a power tool) who had been working it for 15 years the Nazi sucked air in through his teeth and said,  "Oh, she normally does it on her own, does she?"

Although, I'm not usually a fan of persecution I find the idea of these robbers carrying out retribution against the Allotment Nazis makes me smile.  Does that make me a bad person?