If only women came with barcodes

It's not often you get told that being old is a good thing.

 Today I had an appointment with a gynaecologist for the results of some tests and I normally wouldn't tell the whole world about this (I prefer to be 'perfectly fine') but it was such a funny visit that I just had to share it with you.

I walked in and sat down and the chap, weirdly dressed in clashing shades of mustard, greeted me with the words, "Well there's nothing too nasty down there but there's not a lot that can be done.  You see it's like my old Volvo, it's clapped out really and leaks oil on the driveway and I have to decide whether to scrap it or keep going with it, putting up with the oil on my drive until it dies."

"As you get older and the whole system starts go into failure then these sorts of things can occur.  The whole endocrine system is really imperfect - it's a crap thing really - such a bad design," he went on.

I laughed, "Whoever thought evolution was a good idea had it wrong then? If only we'd kept on pushing out soft little eggs to harden up later."

"Precisely," he said, clapping his hands with glee.  "Although, it had to happen because us men couldn't be trusted to look after the egg.  We'd forget and wander off and maybe go and play golf or something.  So anyway, you have a choice.  If you were younger I'd be recommending a hysterectomy but when everything stops that'll be as good a cure.  The problem is we don't know when that's going to be; 3 months or 6 years, who knows?  If only women came with a barcode that we could scan for the date of the last period."

I agreed that would be very useful to him and asked where he thought it should go, suggesting the forehead, maybe.  He thought the back of the neck might be more subtle.

I like to think that my consultation was delivered in metaphors to amuse me personally, as I'm not sure how other people would react to being described as a clapped out old Volvo.