Not so Naive

You would imagine that someone who doesn't drink, has never smoked or taken drugs and married their first boyfriend would be a bit boring, wouldn't you?  This doesn't sound like someone who would be telling the dirtiest jokes in the staffroom, watching Sun Sex and Suspicious Parents without being shocked, thinking that her daughter's chunder chart in her University flat is fine, and knowing what the readers wives page of a top shelf magazine is.  The thing is, I have never been fazed by what people do. Just because I don't want to do it myself doesn't mean I care if other people do.  And most things that people do that I wouldn't really are quite funny.  I don't get the urge to cross my arms, roll my eyes, purse my lips and say in my best teacher voice, "I'm so disappointed in you!"  I just want to laugh and I love to laugh, so the more people that misbehave the better.

I am constantly surprised by how little well behaved people seem to know of the the seedy side of life. Do other people only know about the things they do or have done?  When I quipped that someone ought to be careful that their boyfriend didn't take pictures and send them in to the readers wives page I was met with blank looks. Obviously, I have never featured in the reader's wives section (or any other) of a porn magazine but I do know they exist. I wonder if I'm just showing my age.  Maybe people don't buy magazines anymore now that they have the internet.  And when I sing this song, people are shocked.  They thought I was such a nice girl.

The Internet is for Porn - Avenue Q

I am always the first person to spot an innuendo, which I suspect is also ageing me, as I'm sure it's because of the Carry On films that I grew up with.  Today, a colleague said that she loves a good sausage.  This reminded me of one of the funniest Sun Sex and Suspicious Parents episodes where a lad was on a mission to sleep with as many girls as possible and he called it, "sausage-ing".  This was funny enough but when his mum was talking about his behaviour on the holiday and she said, "I don't really mind all the sausage-ing.  It's the drinking I have a problem with." we were almost wetting ourselves with laughter.  Last week's episode was also funny.  I don't understand why parents would take part in this programme because if you can handle it you don't want to know but last week there was a Dad who must have done much worse in his day.  He had been a Bluecoat and had a wicked sense of humour.  He was only disappointed with his son when he got a tattoo.  The boy had a camel tattooed on his toe.  He thought it would be a good chat up line, "I'll show you my camel toe if you show me yours!"  His dad said, "You might as well have had 'RIGHT TIT' tattooed on your chest!"

The Long Suffering Husband has had a difficult week at work.  We all have them, where everything gets on top of us and we end up taking it out on your colleagues and snapping, crying or generally flouncing around like a Diva.  Last night he said that he might go and get some cakes or something to apologise.  Buying cakes is against my religion and so I offered to make him some smiley-face-happy-biscuits.  He said that he didn't think that would work for his colleagues (engineers aren't as easily pleased as teachers) but if I really wanted to I could make some cakes.  I took my inspiration from Sun Sex and Suspicious Parents and made him some, "Sorry, I've been a tit cakes."

Apparently, they went down very well and they were particularly impressed with the 'stripper spangles'.