Sew out of my comfort zone

"Are you OK?" someone asked me.  They didn't look as though they believed me when I said I was.  "It's just that you haven't written a blog for a few days."  I've become like Big Ben, constantly chiming away so that when I stop someone thinks I'm broken.

Maybe I have been a bit broken.   I could be pretentious and say it writer's block or say that I had nothing to say but the truth is I never have anything to say when I sit down to start a blog.  I don't walk around with all these ideas buzzing in my head I just sit and write. Mostly it's rubbish and I don't care.  The act of writing this rubbish makes me more creative, it leads to other writing or making something or baking and it just sorts my head out and makes me a better person.  The problem is that someone I didn't know told me they read what I write here.  That shouldn't be a surprise after all this is public.  I know people read it.  Colleagues tell me that a particular post made them laugh, a stranger even followed me on Twitter and linked 'The Glamorous Life of a Musician' to one of her tweets.  That freaked me out for a bit but it was anonymous, like when Pedigree Chum got in touch after my 'Biscuits' post asking me if my dog would like to be their poster boy.  If I ignore these I can pretend they aren't happening.  These people can't track me down, sit on my doorstep and demand I speak to them in person.  When a stranger tells you face to face that they like your writing the pressure suddenly becomes huge.  I become Mrs Insecure, "I can't write about driving instructors, it won't be good enough," or "What if I've made a spelling mistake, the whole world will know I'm stupid!" or "What if I give the wrong information about something?"

It's not the whole truth either.  I have also been preoccupied with a carnival float.  I'm not sure whose stupid idea it was to enter a float but I think it might have been mine and I think I might be regretting it.  "It's no problem, I can make some banners to go down the side.  I've got and old sheet and some material."  Between pushing the dog off (he thought I was making him a new blanket) and cutting pinning and tacking letters on, it has taken over my life.

Today, I moved to trying to machine the letters on.  The phrase A BAD WORKMAN BLAMES HIS TOOLS is rushing around in my head and I'm determined not to throw the sewing machine out of the window but it is making great bit loopy stitches on the back.  The tension keeps changing as I sew and the thread breaks.  I checked online for a solution and found this wonderful quote, "A sewing machine never plays up when it's in the cupboard, only when you have something that you have  to sew!"  I watched Youtube videos and they all agreed.  I had threaded the machine with the foot down. So I tried again.  That wasn't the problem.  Still loopy.

Still loopy.  A metaphor for my life.  When we were discussing the theme of our carnival float we kept coming back to, "going round in circles."  Another metaphor.  The banners I have been making say, "MYO, Having Fun, Making Music," although in my head I've changed them to, "making fun of music."  Another metaphor for my life.   Julia of All Trades - Going round in circles making fun of music and still loopy.