I Want to be Alone

It's a basic human desire to be needed.  It makes us feel important, special, as though we have a place on this earth.  We want our partners, our children, our work colleagues to need us.  We like to feel indispensible.  "What would you do without me?"

A good relationship is one where the balance is right.  You need each other.  When your children are small you need their love and the smell of the warm soft baby skin as much as they need you to care for them.  As they grow you start to need them just as they need you.  We wonder how we will be able to leave the house when our daughter is no longer here to ask, "Do I look OK?" or how we will ever manage to find a calculator to do the mental arithmetic our son can just do in his head.  And most of the time the long suffering husband and I are perfectly balanced. Undoing jars/cooking with contents of jar.  Driving to a party/Driving home.  Turning on the TV/Turning off the TV.  Opening cupboards/Closing Cupboards.  Putting the bin out/Filling up the bin. Replacing the toilet paper/ Using the toilet paper.  Lifting the toilet seat/ Putting down the toilet seat.

Today I felt like Ed Sheeran (I'm really liking his music at the moment).  'You need me but I don't need you.'  I had a date with the American National Anthem and a packet of Cheese Balls.

Stupidly, I offered to organise a big Primary School sing of National Anthems for 2012, Olympics and another school's centenary.  I'm not sure why I did this now. I don't even like sport. Did I want to be needed?  I don't think so.  I just thought it would be a good idea.  Did I think I was the only person who could do it?  Definitely, not.  Loads of people could do it better than me, although, I think I might be the only person mad enough to try. I set myself a deadline for completing the arrangements of Monday the 9th January. So panic set in.  I just wanted to be alone to get on with it.

But I was needed.  I was needed to pay bills, walk the dog, book a driving theory test, make the printer work, and help look for a wallet.

"Why are you so stressed?", he asked.
"Just got lot's to do," I replied.
"Just do it then!", he said.

I HAVE BEEN TRYING!

Although, I do feel a bit guilty for shouting now because we found the wallet (after stopping all the cards) in the washing machine.  He was trying to help!